Here’s how this works: I pretend to be a real blogger who posts pictures, confesses to having my life in disarray thus making you feel better about whatever shortcomings you may have, and once in a while I do a giveaway. Isn’t that what all the cool kids are doing? (The un-cool kids do annoying crap like take pictures of all their new gadgets and redecorating and I HATE THEM because I am jealous of all that stuff and isn’t that an ugly shade on me?)
It’s just like me to be days late with the de-lurking post. There’s good news in this, though. Wait for it. Since everyone else did it on the 14th and I’m posting this on the 18th it’s a good thing. On the 14th everyone was tired of commenting (“Gawd, another password just to comment and tell her that I like her knitting?”) so now you’re refreshed! You may even have today off! Four whole days to recover from all that de-lurking you did.
You don’t know what to say in a de-lurk? Oh, well you can talk about the weather, how much of an asshole that Pat Robertson is, or how you did some volunteering in your neighborhood (thanks for the APL suggestion, Susan!), or how you woke up this morning and listened to Martin Luther King’s speech because no one, and I mean NO ONE, should ever try to read it for him. Perhaps you could weigh in on the “Duh! I wanna be stoopid about art so please don’t make me think!” conversation going on at Racialicious. Maybe you could just ask a question. “Kelly, how do you get tomato stains out of your clothes?” You may want to ask something more serious like, “Have you accosted anyone in the grocery store lately?” (Yes, but she started it.) or “How’s the book writing coming? Is that why you’ve been absent of late?” (Again, yes. Two chapters down!) or “What’s up with your religious beliefs, huh?” (Oh, I can’t talk about that until I’m four glasses of cabernet into the conversation. It’s against my religion to answer anytime before that.)
Maybe you just want to ask a personal question since I’m so cryptic with my life and dole out tiny bits when I feel it’s safe. Ask away! I’ll answer in the comments. Maybe. Possibly.
I know. This is why you can’t stand me.
Aimee Greeblemonkey designed this because she’s smart, talented, and she has an IQ so big I’m afraid to publish it. She also has a lot of gadgets but somehow I’m not jealous of her because I like her. See? She’s smart AND does stuff like have contests where she gives stuff away and makes donations to Unicef to give relief to Haiti in honor of the celebration of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Nice, right?
Kelly -
Saturday reminded me of ‘South Pacific’: “Some enchanted evening, you may hear her laughing – you may hear her lauphing – across a crowded room.”
Sorry I didn’t get to talk to you much. I know you’re busy, busy. But if you promise to keep writing on the book, then I’ll just consider any time I don’t get to see you an investment in literature.
Say well,
PS –
Poor typing skills may be a big reason why some people lurk. Next time, I’ll just dictate my message to my dog.
I just thought I’d take this moment away from my busy day of lurking to thank you- and the rest of the gang- for so graciously accepting me into the Bloody Mary Mafia this past weekend. Hopefully I’ll be able to make a few more of the… um… “meetings”.
Keep up everything you do- it’s always a pleasure!
I’m not a lurker (on your blog, anyway) by any stretch, but I’ll comment anyway.
Delurk.
I’ve done nothing today except watch cartoons (Penguins of Madagascar, SpongeBob). Did I mention I’m 31? But this is my first holiday off since July 4th of last year so I’m milking it for all its worth. Even if it means subjecting myself to iCarly commercials on Nickelodeon.
Pat Robertson is a total douchebag.
Wow, that felt good. I’ll try to delurk more often…
What a great idea. Thanks for the tip.
So how do I get tomato stains out of my clothes?
Here’s a question: Should I bring your pink dress with me to New York in August? Or do I get to keep it and pretend to be as cool as you are?
(I didn’t participate in de-lurking day either. Thought I’d save the beg for comments for my birthday.
)
Rodd, I swear if you had begun singing that at your end of the table I would have joined in.
Johann, I’m glad you came out with us but it’s not my group. I mean, they don’t call me Lady Mafia or anything. Or the Don. Though I wish they would. Group vote next time we’re together.
Average Jane, nor I on your blog.
Beth, that is a MUCH better idea than what I had! I’m sitting around in a stinky sweatshirt watching All About Aniston and I’m pretty much mostly irritated with Jen. And GOSH, do you ever need a break woman. You work too hard.
Ruth, perhaps I shall just give opportunities to call people names. It felt good for me, too.
Lori, my only tip is not to wear any clothes.
Angella, if it’s August then you have to bring it as I don’t have need for it in January right now. It’s too big for you anyway, you little skinny minnie.
Not really a lurker, just an infrequent commenter
You make me laugh – and you make me cry. I love your posts!
True confessions time: I don’t know if I count as a lurker because my Google Reader is so full of blogs that I can’t possibly keep up with everyone! And I’m not sure where I picked your blog up anymore, lol. But I’m glad to be here and glad I caught your delurk post, and hopefully I’ll catch more posts of yours in the future! I’ll even ask you a question about yourself, since you invited us to do so.
What’s your favorite topic of conversation these days?
Lagata, I’ll try to do more of the same then. I take it as a challenge.
Kristi, I can’t get enough of discussing whether or not marijuana should be legalized. Also, about ingrown toenails. Both are fascinating.
I don’t actually know you- somehow I found your blog some time back. I love it. I can’t seem to write on my own blog since about Thanksgiving and haven’t posted new pictures since who-knows-when. Maybe because most of the posts I start lately become sort of angry. Like about how my step-daughter’s Mom can’t even cut her toenails without hurting her little precious toes. Should I be angry about this? No. But I miss my little girl.
I <3 you. I love reading almost everything you write and seeing what you have to say. You are also a major inspiration. Keep up the awesomeness!
Please oh please give us an update on One Small Purse!
Thanks.
I’m a lurker who is now de-lurked. I love your blog, I think I found it through Avitable, maybe? I have no real question as of this time but may I hold it in reserve for a later time?
As usual, I’m snorting and nodding and making a general spectacle of myself because I’m reading another of your brilliant missives to the blogosphere. Thanks, lady! You make my day brighter.
Michelle, you should be angry if you’ve asked her to please be careful and she’s still not being careful. Then, teach your precious princess daughter how to donkey kick when her toes get hurt.
Mrs. Soup, you are just TOO kind. Don’t. Stop.
Sheri, the update is that the girls are now coming to me one-on-one to get purses and each one seems to be a really neat kid who doesn’t want anyone knowing she needs a free purse. Because now they’re free. It’s a long story (or maybe not) how I got to here and things changed but it’s all for the same goal in mind: to get purses into the hands of girls who need them. I got another 4 boxes the other day and they trickle in slowly but I’m keeping them in my office which helps. Many of them just stop to visit, see them, and ask about them. Thanks for asking me that question!
Lin, Avitable is a horrible human being and he has a mental problem. Don’t tell him I said that. Because he’ll be over here to read it when I post that on his Facebook.
emma, No, YOU make my day brighter! You’re all wrapped up in fabulousness. My missives just sit in my brain, you know. I’d be super crazy mental if it weren’t for blogging.
I kind of like lurking in the shadows of your blog though.
Wait, I thought lurking meant keeping your pants on when you comment…. I’ve been screwing this up for a while now.
I honestly can’t remember if I’ve commented here before, but if so it was only once, and I don’t know why I don’t comment more because I do love what you write. Anyways, I sat in on the Bloggers of Color panel last year at BlogHer, and I wanted so much to introduce myself but time, other obligations, and the general hubbub of the conference got in the way. And now that I’ve typed that, I kind of feel like I may have already de-lurked here with that exact same comment a few months ago. If so, sorry!
In summary, hi!
I virtually show you my t*ts.
I’m not lurking, stalking maybe, but definitely not lurking!
Delurk – ping!
It’s raining again. (You said, the weather, right?)
Relatively new reader (just a few months) de-lurking to comment here for what I think is the first time – hello! (Does reading a blog in Google Reader count as lurking? Because then I lurk in about 500 places.)
I’m not necessarily a lurker, ’cause I do comment sometimes, but I am here to say hello anyway. I love you oodles because you are a hot, sexy, tall, big-footed lady with great taste in shoes, just like me!
Wait why does Angella have your dress? Inquiring minds want to know. Also, how do I get one? You have great taste!
How do teenage girls feel about SpongeBob purses? My 7 year old son & I got some cute ones on sale for you. I’m afraid the girls will think they are childish so I haven’t sent them. Should I?
See how bad I am..I missed the original delurking day, then the make up day…Sigh…
Back to lurking. (at least I do that on the right days!!)
Dave2, I know you lurk because every time I ask for the readers to come out…there you are. I love that about you.
furiousBall, I assume that you NEVER wear pants. It’s better that way.
D, next time fight your way through the crowd (you know, like the paparazzi!) and say hi. I’m so glad you did just now.
Oh, The Joys, you are ALWAYS good for that. It makes you special. (p.s. I sure do MISS you!)
Miss Behavin, a true stalker would have sent cryptic flowers by now. Get on that. Make me wonder, “Hmm. Who sent this?”
Lady M, yeah we have some seriously dreary weather. At least you have rain. We just have the threat of rain. Bring on the sunshine.
Florinda, I do think of that as lurking. I mean, most times I am writing I think, “Well, is anybody even reading this besides my 12 regulars? The normal dozen?”
Lara, backatcha babe. I just got these new boots that will make you wanna slap yo momma. I mean, I slapped mine…
trishkfl, Don’t worry about missing the actual day. It’s not like I post daily anymore anyway. Good to see that you’re still here!
Laura, well the dress is a long story that involves a walk of shame, undressing in front of people that you’ve just laid eyes upon, and trading clothes. My dress is somewhere in Canada. Mr. Lady’s dress is in my closet. It’s actually a pretty great story. Oh, and Spongebob? They don’t like him. I can’t figure it out. But they’re mad about Dora the Explorer. What’s that all about?
Speaking of weather, I have been told more than once this week to expect “freezing fog.” WTF?
I don’t count as a “lurker”. I just rarely have anything interesting to say because you make me laugh so hard I cry and snort coffee. It’s so hard to type a sensible comment when my eyes won’t work. Hope the sun shines for you soon. If I tell you we are having FANTASTIC weather here in Oz….. sunny days for fun and chilly nights for um…? (Moving right along before I embarass myself) So seeing as we are having such great weather do you want to come and visit? xoxoxoxo
mayberry, I do believe that the other word for freezing fog is SNOW. Never heard that one. Buncha weirdo meteorologists.
Yvonne, You know that one day I will come to meet you in person in Oz. We’ve known each other virtually for nearly 7 years, isn’t that right? Birthdays, Christmas cards (which you craftily make and send to me because you are so sweet and kind and giving) and a thousand email jokes later, we really have to make this work.
Hey! Wanted to ask…have you found another eye cream? I tried something new and still! with the watering.
Psh, you said I could ask anything!
I saw you naaaaaakkkkkkeeeed. Oh, wait, you saw me, too. Even Stevens.
PS: I am 5 days late on delurking, so we’re even. Again. Good thing you’re way hotter than me or we’d be so totally boringly the same.
Headless Mom, I got invited to an Arbonne party and have been using their eye cream. It’s good, but I can’t get the bottle to squeeze out less than it does thus wasting some of it. So I put the excess on my forehead. I figure that moisturizing anything like that is good, right?
Mr. Lady, I was in show choir. Everyone else who was in show choir has seen me naked, too. Doing shows and going backstage to change makes you lose all inhibition. What’s your excuse?
Yeah, I’m always late to delurk so it doesn’t bother me in the least that you were four days late.
Seriously. I didn’t know this many people were still reading. You all deserve a cookie for taking the time to comment and let me know you’re out there.
Sarah, I lurk you. Just so you know. And the twins? How could they POSSIBLY get cuter? You do good work.
Well, I’ll crash the end of the lurking party.
I luuuuuuv you and your blog. I do wait breathlessly for the shoe posts. But I really like the ones that make me all teary, too. And the ones that make me snort.
You rock!
Sara
Yep, 7 odd years. Do we have an anniversary?
We will meet eventually and then I will get to ask the bazillion questions I have, slurp good wine with you and get hugs galore.
I won’t even be offended if I don’t get to see you naked
Justin may sulk for a while but he will get over it hehehehe
You know I love sending you things I have made. They mean more.
xoxoxoxox
Ever notice that as we age we begin to know less? I’m never sure if it is because there is more to know (technology how ye have betrayed me!), or if it’s the whole more experience, more ah-ha moments, or if some other black-hole-is-sucking-the-very-life-out-of-me theory applies, but really? Lurking appears to be something I am skilled at. Having reached an age where my skills are dwindling rapidly (and alarmingly), I try to hold onto the few I have in which I can excel. But it hurt my heart to read that you thought you were read by so few. I (we) am/are here dear one. You make my life richer, and I know I am not alone. And what’s a week or so between de-lurkers?