I wrote this two weeks ago and couldn’t bring myself to publish it.
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When you get a new job and you meet new co-workers and spend new time with them it’s normal for conversations to go from ‘Wow, we like the same things and I had no idea you were a Libertarian and did you even know that we had a re-cycling program here?’ to ‘There’s nothing wrong with using the term light colored-negro’ and then your brain explodes because OH MY GOD, WHO STILL SAYS THE WORD ‘NEGRO’?
It didn’t happen to me, but someone I’m very close to and someone who is actually a person of color. A person who passes. A person who looks like me and finds herself incognegro in situations where people think she’s all white. They think she’s all vanilla.
So. You know. She probably shouldn’t say anything. Or, if she does, what should she say? Because we are in a recession here and it’s not like you can just get up and leave a job. You aren’t a Vanderbilt and you don’t use the word “summer” as a verb.
What’s a girl to do?
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That’s where I ended it because I couldn’t finish the thoughts there. Then, President Obama addressed the nation and Chris Matthews “forgot” that Obama was black for an hour. Now, it’s February and the time when most Americans a handful of people celebrate Black History Month. So I won’t say anything.
I’ll just say that I’m having a contest sponsored by Clever Girls Collective and See’s Candy where I’m giving away some CHOCOLATE and no, it has nothing to do with Black History it’s just that it’s closing in on Valentine’s Day and CHOCOLATE is the theme for that, too, so hey! Coincidence!
Don’t mind me, though. I’m really not going to say anything. Except maybe one more word.
CHOCOLATE.
February 2, 2010 @ 8:12 pm | Filed under All Black Folks Do NOT Look Alike, Help A Brutha Out, I Have Questions and I Need Answers | Permalink | Comments (29)
Headless Mom Said,
February 2, 2010 @ 9:43 pm
Wow. That’s CR-AZY. Who says that? Especially in a professional environment? Gah! I’ve got nothin’ for that.
Amy Said,
February 2, 2010 @ 10:47 pm
Wait, why couldn’t she call someone out on that? Where does she work? 1937? That’s insane.
Personally? I feel like when someone says something super offensive/ignorant it’s fine to call them out on it. Immediately. And I work with Republicans AND politicians so I have to address offensive commentary on a semi-regular basis. I have experience.
Diva (in Demand) Said,
February 2, 2010 @ 11:04 pm
Funny….my neck didn’t even snap when I read it. I would have probably replied with “although YOU don’t seem to find it inappropriate….I DO and STRONGLY SUGGEST you limit your amount of inappropriate conversation with me. Thanks!” I think that’s polite and firm enough, at the same time, to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Jonathan Said,
February 3, 2010 @ 3:51 am
Chocolate rules.
Mocha Momma Said,
February 3, 2010 @ 6:14 am
The only reason I could explain it away is: youthfulness + new job = frightening situation. But yeah, we all know that was unacceptable.
Susan (WhyMommy) Said,
February 3, 2010 @ 6:23 am
And THAT is why diverse workplaces are important. She shouldn’t have to feel the burden of speaking out and sticking out, risking the loss of camraderie if she didn’t just let it go.
Argh.
I wouldn’t get to close to the thoughtless coworker (as if there were any danger of that)!
Ugh.
Krystal Grant Said,
February 3, 2010 @ 6:26 am
I’ll add to your Chocolate and say: Africa, Barack Obama, Martin Luther King, Fannie Lou Hamer, Haile Selassie, Ralph Bunch, Emmit Till, John Lewis, Frederick Douglass, CORE, SNIC, NAACP, 13th amendment, Little Rock nine, El Hajj Malik El Shabazz, Maya Angelou, Nikki Giovanni, Alvin Ailey, Langston Hughes and any other “light colored” and “dark colored Negro” past, and present! Happy Black History Month.
slouchy Said,
February 3, 2010 @ 6:46 am
Ugh.
And Chris Matthews is an idiot.
Boston Mamas Said,
February 3, 2010 @ 6:47 am
Goddamn it.
Blargh.
I hear you.
Just last week when I was traveling with Laurel I experienced similar cluelessness at the airport. We were going through security and you should have seen the look as the woman looked at me, looked at Laurel (who looks vaguely like me in facial features but has Caucasian skin tone and brown hair), looked at our passports, and back around again a couple of times. I was bracing myself for her to say something super ignorant (like, when people used to ask me if I was Laurel’s nanny) but she didn’t. But I could certainly feel it.
-Christine
Jessica Said,
February 3, 2010 @ 6:55 am
I would have said something but, I also tell strangers to stop smacking their gum and other people’s children to stop running in the grocery store. It really does amaze me how many people see nothing wrong with using some very offensive words. They truely don’t even KNOW they are being offensive sometimes. If someone doesn’t tell them they will just keep going around offending people.
furiousBall Said,
February 3, 2010 @ 7:08 am
my goddaughter has a black father and white mother, she is one of the most beautiful ladies you’ll ever see and i’ve always been one that cringes at racists jokes, excusing myself out of a conversation when they come up. even before danielle was born, but yeah… negro?
Alexandra Said,
February 3, 2010 @ 7:58 am
I worked in a place in Wilmington DE about 10 years ago, and a 30 year old coworker used the word “colored” to describe another coworker. I spit out my coffee, and someone else just stared at her with his mouth hanging open, and she had no idea why we reacted that way.
She wasn’t a genuine racist, she was just very sheltered and not well-educated. As soon as we explained why we don’t use the word “colored” even though our grandparents may have, she felt terrible.
Probably very confusing to someone like her, or to an immigrant to the US: why “colored” is not OK, but “of color” is.
Dave2 Said,
February 3, 2010 @ 8:34 am
What was even better was listening to Chris Matthews try to spin that remark 90 minutes later. But with people like that, you often wonder if they say something inflammatory not because they actually believe it, but because they’re trying to get attention or ratings (which, in my humble opinion, is even worse, but whatever). What’s really sad to me is when everyday people say boneheaded crap where there can be no ulterior motive, like what your friend had to hear. There can be little doubt that they actually BELIEVE it.
I recently blogged about how I was in the mini-mart on Martin Luther King Jr. Day when some guy walked in the door and announced “HAPPY BROWN BROTHER DAY!” which was met with “WE SHOULD HAVE A WHITE GUY DAY!” at which point there was nothing left for me to say than “EVERY DAY IS WHITE GUY DAY IN THIS REDNECK TOWN!”
I was standing right there. This guy didn’t know me. And yet it was assumed I would find such talk acceptable because I pass as vanilla too. I don’t know if the fact that I actually AM vanilla makes the situation better or worse. I do know that I like chocolate, however.
CrazyMomTats Said,
February 3, 2010 @ 8:53 am
I hear this kind of thing often – and I’m appalled and stunned every time. Mostly the folks aren’t trying to be mean. They’re just dumb and ignorant. I’ve had to correct my husband’s relatives when they used the N word, saying “we don’t use that language in this house.” The relatives (all from rural AL) seemed surprised. Idiots.
from a white chick in Hotlana
DeLaMi Said,
February 3, 2010 @ 9:15 am
Want to hear something sad. If I spoke up every time I was offended by something someone said, I would always be on a soap box. Going from a Springfield and being “the Black girl” around all my friends, going to an HBCU and being “a Black girl” coming back to Springfield all over again is too much of a shock. Friends mean well when they joke around. But geesh do we have to make this very obvious joke right now? I have learned how to control my face and use sarcasm any time my friends use the “N word” or something else just as derogatory. I’m not sure how many people realize that I’m reminded that I am Black everyday. (I use Black loosely since I’m mixed) But, yeah… more than likely shouldn’t say anything
Binkytowne Said,
February 3, 2010 @ 9:19 am
I shall never speak it out loud, but I love the word “incognegro”. Teehee.
Lisa Said,
February 3, 2010 @ 9:53 am
I’m on a board where one of the members (who is in his 30s) referred to someone in a story as “colored” several times. I gave a bug-eyed glare which was enough to shut him up. The next meeting, he made a gay joke. I am revolted by this stuff, and sad that it persists.
Amy in StL Said,
February 3, 2010 @ 11:41 am
My co-workers refer to black people as strangers. To which I always reply, “You mean blacks?” like I’m just trying to clarify what they meant because I’m too dumb to pick up on context. Every time.
Did you ever notice how chocolate is yummy but vanilla is just plain?
bluefox864 Said,
February 3, 2010 @ 2:28 pm
I know an old lady who uses “oriental” when talking about asian people. And she’s BEEN to China before!
Lagata Said,
February 3, 2010 @ 2:38 pm
I remember when I was a receptionist in a shop and a man came in and asked if that “coloured” man was here. I asked him, “what colour was he”? He started to stammer and said – well, I don’t know what to call “them”. I was just shocked. I said to him, well, you can start with his name, which is Danny. I was only 19 at the time, I don’t know if I handled the situation well or not, I can still remember the deep hurt I felt when he said that though. It amazes me that the youth of today are still so ignorant.
Michelle Said,
February 3, 2010 @ 8:36 pm
I wish I could pretend this didn’t still happen, that people didn’t have to fear speaking up about something so incredibly ignorant because it might make their job situation uncomfortable or even at risk. I wish that I could say I understand, but I can’t. I’m a white girl and won’t ever experience that same situation, but even reading it made me cringe, made me physically ill. I don’t even really know what to say.
I could not get over Chris Matthews “forgetting” that our President is black. Could not even believe it. What kind of asinine implications that bears?!! Should we need to forget? It doesn’t even MAKE SENSE. It is ignorant and distasteful and gross, really.
Thank you for posting this. I guess, for reminding us all to appreciate everyone’s backgrounds and to make no assumptions, for being honest about something that gets ignored at every corner.
Deathstar Said,
February 4, 2010 @ 10:35 am
Natika suggested your blog to me… and when I came across this post I just feel I have to comment. Reminded me of the time I was temping in a law office and the supervisor just HAD TO ASK me what all the fuss was about because SHOWBOAT was opening in town. Ah, yes. Negro, please. That is so antebellum South!
NaysWay Said,
February 4, 2010 @ 8:55 pm
You’d be surprised (or maybe not) how much that thought resides in the back of most minds. I’m not light skinned, but I have some pretty European/Anglo-Saxon features. I literally had my supervisor ask me (after my first day of work, no less) what I was mixed with. What’s worse? She said she’d meant to ask me in my interview. I wish she had. I might not have been working there now. And now that my daughters have wavy hair and dark skin, they both get a lot of “How did THAT happen? Aren’t you black?!” Seriously, 2010?
D. Said,
February 4, 2010 @ 9:40 pm
Ugh, YUCK. How can people be so blasted ignorant? I say this as a half-Asian, half-Caucasian woman who easily passes for white who still routinely hears people use words like “Oriental” to describe Asian people. Meaning, I shouldn’t really be surprised that this kind of language is still so pervasive, but STILL.
angie Said,
February 6, 2010 @ 4:25 pm
Let me say that this article just jumped off the screen at me. I mean, I was so engrossed that when I got a phone call, which interrupted my reading, I had a hard time shifting my focus.
That’s just to say that these matters of race and complexion, etc have always been so interesting to me. If you were going to say anything, what would it be? Just between you and me?
I mean, I would have to say something like ‘PULLLEASE!” And the like. How delicious to be ‘passing’ so you (I mean your friend) can be a fly on the wall, such as it is, and overhear all these heartfelt comments. The rest of us who are closer to the paper bag are led to believe that nobody is thinking about this stuff except us. So nice of Harry Reid and Chris Matthews to set us straight.
Oh, and Happy Chocolate Month! (My husband calls me vanilla, btw–he is so deceived)
Faiqa Said,
February 8, 2010 @ 8:46 am
You know what upsets me the most? That this crap doesn’t surprise me, at all. I don’t know what upsets me more, people who want to pretend that race doesn’t matter or people who want to pretend that it’s all that matters. Sigh. I suppose your friend should say something, but I’ve been in similar circumstances and just shook my head and said, not worth it.
I know that sounds terribly apathetic, but I’m apprehensive of having to face the actual resistance people would offer to doing the right thing. Something about losing faith in humanity, etc.
laura Said,
February 8, 2010 @ 11:22 pm
omg, SERIOUSLY? i think i would’ve twitched myself silly if someone said that and my ears heard it.
wowsers.
for what it’s worth, an EXCELLENT book on the subject of “passing” is called, actually, _Passing_ by Nella Larsen. i highly recommend. did much of my master’s work in african-american literature, particularly of the 20th century, and this book was eye-opening beyond words for me.
love your blog.
with love from pittsburgh,
laura
Deb Said,
February 9, 2010 @ 12:13 am
Making me think about how the economy pushes us all back in to all sorts of silences out of the natural fear of losing a job or a client. Ugh.
Katy Said,
February 10, 2010 @ 9:36 pm
Incognegro is hilarious.
I have a similar problem in that a large chunk of my family is Honduran and I look as white as it gets. I’ll run into people shrieking “Mexicans,” getting offended when people are speaking Spanish amongst themselves, or worse yet, saying that “they make great laborers.” And sometimes I just don’t feel like having an argument so I just seethe a little and let it go.