It wasn’t a question I anticipated. In truth, I don’t suppose that I’d ever really hear it. The emphasis being on the word “I”. I never thought that I, Kelly, would ever hear this question. Not because it’s a stupid question and yes, there are stupid questions. There are also ignorant questions. There are ridiculous questions. This one topped all three of those.
In the context of someone actually asking the question it must also be said that there really was no context. There was no reason for someone to ask this question because it wasn’t relevant to what we were discussing at the time. We meet, as teams, each week to discuss teaching and learning and part of the reason I’m there is to frame the learning for teachers. When I work with educators outside of my building it is sometimes in the role of consultant. For lack of a better term I guess I would say that I facilitate meetings. Each week I work with the Teaching and Learning team to determine the professional development for teachers so that we can stay abreast of scientifically-based research practices, introduce them to the teachers by providing examples and defining the expectations, and help their own learning to become skillful and proficient in teaching.
This question came out of nowhere.
Speaking to the group as a whole this teacher walked in our meeting and asked this seemingly arbitrary inquiry.
“What are we gonna do with all these pregnant girls?”
She sounded exasperated when she asked it, like she’d been irritated by it. Like she was weary of these pregnant girls. As if we’d had a rash of girls who had just come forward en masse to exclaim that they were pregnant.
When she asked it she was looking directly at me. AT ME. As if, because of my title or position, I was to answer this question for the entire group of teachers sitting together because I was leading the group and could offer some insight as to what we would “do” with all these pregnant girls.
“Other than, um, educate them with the free public education we offer?” I asked her.
“Well, there are just so many it seems. They can’t fit in my desks and…” she sighed and her voice trailed off as if I didn’t give her the answer she wanted. All the while she is talking I can feel my veins exploding and a twitch forming in the left side of my body and then I lost control of my bowels and my head just popped right off my shoulders and rolled onto the floor while my brain silently and slowed screamed, “WHAT. THE. HELL?”
Perhaps it wasn’t really the word “hell”, but you get my drift. It cut me off at the knees, this question. It struck right at my heart and the aim was true. Instantly, I was 15 years old and I got a glimpse of what teachers, when behind closed doors from students, said about me.
Oddly enough, I have the answer. I mean, I suppose I already gave it to her, but she didn’t like how I responded.
I know exactly what to “do” with these pregnant girls. How about we teach them? How about we educate them so well that we encourage them to go off to college with their babies? What about encouraging them to be responsible parents that can work and be productive citizens that contribute to society? Then, we could embolden and stimulate their knowledge and get them to further their education by getting a Master’s degree in education. Would that work? Is that okay with you? Because if they do really well and work hard at that then maybe, just maybe, they could work their way up and find themselves leading YOUR professional development.
That’s definitely the right answer.
{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }
YOU TELL EM!
Slides her a Blue Moon to celebrate.
I’d have smacked her. But then, like you, I tend to take issue with morons who write off women just because they have babies at a young age.
What other answer is there?
inkognegro – I’ll take that Blue Moon after the crazy of this day. Much obliged.
Redneck Mommy – I can’t smack people. They told me I couldn’t. Something about bad PR or something.
Dave2 – Beats the hell out of me. Kick them out? Shun them? Put them someplace else?
My heart hurts for educators who give up on pregnant teenagers.
I feel like maybe if they were helped instead of shunned that they WOULD become those productive and responsible citizens/parents. Maybe if these teachers viewed them as students and encouraged them instead of treating them like a ‘problem’ or a burden, so many of them wouldn’t get discouraged and drop out.
I think every time you write a post I gain more respect for you than before, if that is possible. I’m glad that ‘all those pregnant girls’ have you to encourage and inspire them, as well as look out for them when no one else seems to care about what happens to them. Just because they become mothers doesn’t take away from the fact they are still human beings, they are still students, and they still deserve the same education the rest of their class receives.
I wish there were more people like you in the education system.
I honestly don’t know what to say on this one. It’s harder to talk to the educator as oppose to the person they are suppose to educate. Sure these kids made a mistake, but what are you going to do to help them now? They are already scared, ashamed, and think life is over. Now, one of their safe escapes, school, they have to get ridiculed but the people who are suppose to be “mentors” and people they look up to.
Some of these teachers have had such boring lives that they wouldn’t know what to do in this instance. I could go for the low blow and say that some may be jealous that no one will ever want to touch them so they take it out on the students. I’m just saying.
But to answer the question of the person who is suppose to enrich the youth of America… what do we do…
HELP!!!!!!! TEACH!!!!! UNDERSTAND!!!!! ENCOURAGE!!!!!
Help them realize that this isn’t the end of the world, they have options, a child can be a motivating factor to get their lives together.
*side note: Kelly, you know how sensitive I am about this subject. I get really passionate about this and it hurts my heart to hear people still think like this. I only HOPE the person who said this wasn’t working in the school when I was there!
I never find the right words in situations like that. It is all just internal implosion and then agonizing & gnashing of teeth. (really. this is why i wear a night guard. i go to bed looking like a goalie every night becasue I do not know how to respond to ignorance in the daytime.)
I hope you found some version of what you wrote here. Because what you have said, is *exactly* what those girls need.
Along with role models like you.
Wow. Just,
Wow.
I’m a new reader and this post just blew me away. I think it is sad that there are teachers who are there just for the paycheck and not to help and educate. My daughter got pregnant in high school and here are way too many people who look at me funny now when they hear that I support her and her two children while she works on her Master’s. Like if a person has an accident (I would never call these beautiful babies a mistake…a wonderful surprise but not a mistake) that person should not have any help and should have to go it alone. I call bullshit on that.
When I think about the hell my mom endured because she was forced to leave high school because of her pregnancy with me, it breaks my heart. She was forced to marry the boy (he was only 15 she was 16). Meanwhile, he graduated high school, but she stayed home to care for me and be a dutiful wife — resulting in two more babies and divorce.
Mom made a lot of poor choices back then, but I couldn’t have been prouder as I watched her receive her high school diploma when I was eight years old.
Yes, educating “all these pregnant girls” is the only right thing to do.
i think i speak for everyone here when I say, “BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!”
What do we do with all these pregnant girls? I think it’s obvious. We send them off to live with relatives until they deliver and are forced to give the baby up for adoption. We certainly can’t have them around in polite society.
Now when can we get to the really pressing question of how we get all these gays back in the closet? It’s just crazy how many there are. It’s all because we let a few gay teachers in the system twenty years ago. Who knew the theater teacher and girls gym coach could brainwash so many?
Gosh, they don’t fit in her desks? Hmmm…perhaps find a table and a chair for them?? Oh, I get it, she wants to kick them out because they made a mistake…yeah, THAT is a good way to get them educated.
SIGH. People can be idiots. As if a young girl being pregnant is an inconvenience to HER. As if being young and pregnant and trying to go to school is all fun and games.
I don’t know how you did it – not just going off on her – but you’re amazing and I hope that teacher will see things a little differently now.
Mochamomma.
Still. Favoritest. Person. Ever.
Seriously?! That’s what I said when I first saw your tweet. And now that I have read this….SERIOUSLY?!
How you kept your act together is incredible because that person just can’t possibly be from this generation. I’m just curious, is this teacher also old school in her thoughts on teaching, wondering why she has to change her practices?
They can’t fit in desks?! That’s the first thing she could come up with? Heaven forbid. What does she think about any of the obese students she teachers, who probably don’t fit in desks any better?
Man, I love you. That’s all I have to add to this. xo
Oh for pete’s sake. What did she WANT to do with them??
Exactly. Yep. Amen. Uh-huh. Agreed.
Brilliant. And from the heart. May the truth spread like wildfire.
Oh, crap.. *sigh* Can’t we just eliminate all the ones that are that stupid?? Don’t you ever get tired of this nonsense? I know I do..
Big hugs for not smacking her..
We do a better job of educating all kids about sex before they get to the point of having it. Abstinence-only doesn’t work. I’m with you on educating pregnant girls; encouraging them to go on and go to college and not give up on themselves. But this is a real problem, and preventative measures should be employed also. It’s unfortunate that we are so puritan about our sex education.
I have never commented on a blog…..just a blog stalker! This issue, however must bring me out of hiding.
I, too, was an “unwed, pregnant teen”, a statistic, a girl who made a mistake…..whatever society wants to call it…. but now I am an educator with a Masters degree, mom to 3 beautiful boys, and wife to an amazing husband, and most importantly a forgiven sinner with a great big God who loves me!
MochaMomma, you rock! Continue to be a light in this dark world…teaching is a calling, not just a job, and you are certainly making a difference!
Like I say every time, they’re so lucky to have you as a leader and educator. Of course, usually I mean the kids, not the other educators, but you know, it’s still true. You rock.
Those girls–and all the other students whose lives you touch–are lucky to have you. I’m incensed that someone who considers herself an educator would even ask such a question.
One time, I found my mother’s grade card from 1949, her senior year, after she got married in the summer of 48 and the year my brother Randy was born. Darn near straight As through her junior year, then what a drop.
Now I know new husbands and babies are distracting, but really, did my mom lose the ability to read?
Randy was born on April 10 that year. Mom had home economics her last semester. They flunked her outright: Flunked the married lady, who, as far as I know, over all her years had her checkbook always balanced to the penny and managed to keep one hungry husband and five growing boys shod and very well fed.
Mocha, I guess I don’t have to tell you – the world turns Very, Very slowly.
As a resident of the state with one of the highest teen pregnancy rates, highest high school dropout rates, highest “everything else bad” rates…
Can you please come here and help our school district understand this?
We need more teachers and administrators like you.
Yes, yes, yes. Why can’t everyone have this fundamental level of common sense? What the hell does she want to do with all the pregnant girls? And why is she so worried about who fits in what desk?
Posts like this make it crystal clear why I follow your blog. As a former 17 year old unwed pregnant high school student, I applaud you. What, indeed! As if we have some island somewhere we could ship all those inconvenient pregnant girls off to. You know, somewhere far off where we would not be daily assaulted with their evergrowing bellies, reminding us of our failure as a society to encourage girls to protect themselves and maybe even wait a bit before becoming sexually active.
Its been 24 years since I walked those halls, getting those looks from teachers and administration. If I’d had someone like you there perhaps I wouldn’t have quit high school and pursued a GED instead. Perhaps the idea of college wouldn’t have seemed as impossible as everyone around me made it seem. Maybe my life would be in education or social work now, where I always dreamed it would be, instead of secretarial where I landed.
Your biggest service to your students is that you make the maybes seem possible for them. You help them not to sell themselves short. Bless you Momma
Buy bigger desks!
Sadly, this view is common. I got pregnant my senior year of high school. Several teachers assumed I’d be dropping out, even though I was “on track” for college and had good grades. A few outright told me I ought to. Not one outright told me that having a baby did not mean not going to college.
Luckily I knew that for myself. Thank heavens these girls have you in their corner.
My mom only had to leave her home and go live at a Salvation Army Home for Unwed Mothers for three months. That’s all.
Incidentally her daughter, my sister, has a Masters degree, is a teacher and statewide reading specialist, and is raising four daughters of her own. (God forbid any of them inconvenience or mess up the world by getting pregnant young.)
I’m not saying it isn’t a problem, or that it isn’t eight different kinds of complicated. I’m just saying, be careful what you’re so willing to judge and dismiss as Less Than, exasperated teacher lady in Mocha Mama’s meeting.
As for you? You make me sit up straighter every single time I come here.
(Hopefully it was clear that I was yelling at the lady in your meeting, not you. You are INCREDIBLE and this post is one big awesome roar.)
have a clothing donation drive to provide those jeans with the little expandable pocket thingy in front!
i don’t know the racial makeup of your school, but in atlanta, we have billboards everywhere saying that all the black babies are being killed such that they are an “endangered species.”
here’s their URL: http://www.toomanyaborted.com/
i hope your school’s kids are opting to keep the babies and keep getting educated regardless of the difficulty, like several of the commenters did (or their moms did).
Just speechless. Except to say how glad I am that those kids have you.
Totally playing devil’s advocate here, but maybe it’s a teachable moment for her. Maybe it’s not a situation she was ever exposed to prior to becoming a teacher. Maybe she doesn’t know how to make what she perceives as a negative situation a positive one–and she obviously *must* do so in order to be an effective teacher for those girls.
I have to say, if ever there was a person who could make this situation positive, it’s you.