(The rest of the post title is “Nor Do You Care” to be tongue in cheek, but that was too long. If you don’t care, don’t read. If you don’t care but want to tell me that you don’t care, don’t bother.)
(Originally, I started writing about issues that parents of students have/want/need and then I took a left turn.)
(Then, I was going to write about food consumption in this country after having a conversation with my friend Jeannette. She has great ideas about eating healthy and organic and homegrown. She also has weird hair.)
(But then I picked up a magazine yesterday and became inspired to write some things you may not know about me. Because, oh hell, it’s my own space in which to write multiple parenthetical statements prior to starting a paragraph.)
(Oh, and a reader wrote to ask me to explore biracial children and growing up with two races, but that post will have to wait a bit.)
1. There is some weird desire in me to visit the Civic Opera House in Chicago after I took this picture last summer. I want to know if I like opera and it’s something I want to figure out.
2. Slowly, I’m figuring out what my “style” is for my home. When I walked out of my marriage three years ago I took nothing but my clothes. It’s been a long, slow process of buying everything all over again but with no arguments of “I don’t like that” or “Why did you pick this?” or “Do you really think I’ll put a naked statue in my bathroom?” because I only needed to be concerned about whether or not I could afford it. (The winners are: Edwardian, Tuscan, Georgian, and Art Nouveau. Victorian lighting and Frank Lloyd Wright style homes make me absolutely swoony).
3. In high school I was active in lots of things and had to quit them all once I got pregnant. (Basketball, volleyball, track, cross country, and show choir.) I miss volleyball the most because I had a wicked serve and I played for a while after I got pregnant and my coach, who was apparently infertile and pissy most of the time, treated me like crap. One day she demolished my esteem and then yelled at me to “just get the ball over the net if you can” so I waited for her to blow the whistle, turn her head, and then aimed for her. I knocked her off her feet and pretended like it was an accident and had to wait the rest of practice to break into a huge smile for giving her what she deserved.
4. There is a bit of a mean streak in me. That might be obvious by the statement above.
5. I’ve never taken a real vacation like normal people do but I was supposed to go on one after getting my master’s degree. Needing furniture and a place to live trumped that one. I long for it and create great trips online and in my head and then they never come to fruition.
6. Someday I want to visit the South. Outside the United States I want to go to Aruba, Spain, Tuscany, Greece, and Morocco. It’s weird to me that I’m drawn to Savannah and the Carolinas, but pictures of those places seem so tranquil and intoxicating that I long to summer there and be okay with using the word “summer” as a verb.
7. My noggin is enormous and yet I love to wear hats so I find them in the men’s department of stores or in my dad’s closet. Recently, he gave me a khaki, brimmed Kangol that he was wearing and insisted that I take it because he swore that he had another one.
8. I am woefully negligent in housekeeping duties so that when I clean it’s fast and furious and annoying to anyone who is near me while I’m scrubbing a tub or polishing furniture. The whole thing makes me peevish.
9. I am a cheap date but if you let me pick where to go it’ll include eating tapas, listening to jazz, and sitting on the patio of some fantastic, overpriced restaurant where I can watch people all night and meet interesting new ones. Yet, I’m happy sitting in a cafe/bookstore where I can peruse architecture and photography books until they kick us out.
10. Right now I am terrified of having this house sell (I currently rent) and then not having a place to live and it’s eating at me with fury because, like the Obamas, we live multigenerationally. My mom, three kids, myself and a dog are all subsisting on my one salary. This is encouraging me to finish this writing I’m doing to publish a book so hello, literary agents who want to give me an advance! I need a down payment! I’d love to write this book and buy the house of my dreams! Only 300 thousand should do it!
11. My heart is always on my sleeve, but it’s there for what I feel for others. What I feel for myself is kept locked away and my smile will fool you, but some days I’m just a volleyball-to-the-head away from cracking and breaking it all down.
12. Ugly things that have touched my life or loved ones in one way or another: divorce, attempted suicide, anxiety and depression, molestation, bankruptcy, racism, theft, people-that-have-turned-into-shitheads-once-I-got-to-know-them. That last one has been an epidemic of mountainous proportions in the last three years of my life but the beauty is that you drop people who don’t care about you and then you forge ahead and find new, beautiful, incredible friends.
13. Church is a struggle for me. Religion is not for me. Groupthink in organizations is laughable. Belief in God, worshipping my own way, and finding my place in the universe is a journey. This is the first time I’ve been able to admit that.
14. The best late night snack is toast with pure Irish butter and some jam accompanied by a cold glass of goat’s milk.
15. Being lactose intolerant is making me healthier and more conscious of eating good-for-my-body-foods. Even though my sister Tracy tells me that I should only be drinking goat’s milk if I were a baby goat. I hope she’s not suggesting I drink breast milk.
16. I am a breast feeding advocate! (I was worried about what number 16 would be and number 15 just gave it to me.) Even though I had my first baby at 15 I nursed her and, man! That could have been very awkward and controversial but I had supportive parents and friends in La Leche League and we managed to keep it up for quite some time considering I had to return to school. Oh, and I don’t get involved in arguments about nursing in public because there’s no way I’m going to fix The Stupid and Ignorant about how my breasts were created for feeding a baby or about how women should do it “in a bathroom” to avoid the stares of those Stupid and Ignorant people. If you want to eat your lunch sitting on a toilet then fine, but I’m not about to subject my baby to that.
17. Marriage is not for me. I will never do it again. Never. Don’t you tell me not to say never because I hate it when you say that.
18. Oddly enough, I’m reading this book on how a woman who vowed never to get married again got married. It’s “Committed” by Elizabeth Gilbert.
19. The level of jealousy I can feel for something astounds and enrages me because I hate being that person so I keep it quiet and silently feel it and mask the whole thing with overconfidence.
20. Have you seen the new UbyKotex ads? They’re hilarious. Incidentally, I work for them now as a freelancer and so I can have another job (I really need to buy a house, have I mentioned that?) in the Real Answers section. I’m one of the Moms who will answer questions posted on the website. When you work for Kotex you can’t be afraid of the word “vagina” so I practice all the time in front of my children, especially my sons. It’s important to use the correct word for things!
21. If you clicked on that link you’ll see that I was shocked to find that entering womanhood was sort of shameful for some of my girlfriends. My dad cooked a special meal and my parents gave me a keepsake box as a gift that night. It wasn’t weird, it was just a celebration of newness and change. I mean, we didn’t kill a cow or sacrifice some sheep for crying out loud.
22. During my life so far (oooh, good book title) (oooh, crap, maybe it’s already a book title) I have lived in poverty and wealth. There were times when I didn’t want for anything and times when I was on welfare and used food stamps to support my daughter. There are stories there. Many, many stories. What I learned is that I’m a survivor and not a victim.
23. Once I recovered from being poor (ha! I’m laughing at that right now! I don’t even have a house!) I discovered a love for shoes that I share with both my sisters (along with a case of large feet so it’s a bonus that we can trade shoes). Right now I’m enjoying these pair from Faryl Robin. They are the Geneva Black and they were a gift (don’t go thinking I spent that on shoes, please!) from my Fairy Shoefather. Everyone has one of those, don’t they?
24. My brain and my legs have a conversation every day. It sounds like this:
Brain: Let’s run a marathon!
Legs: You’re an idiot. Why would we do that?
Brain: It’s good for you! You need the exercise anyway and it will be a milestone! It will be something on your bucket list you can cross off!
Legs: You’re still an idiot. We’re not doing that crap. Go do a puzzle or something.
Brain: Can we still buy some running shoes and clothes? There are some awesome pants I think you’ll look great in despite the fact you haven’t been running to make yourself look better.
25. Even though tomorrow I’m turning 39, I am not afraid of it. I haven’t ever been afraid to turn older. My thirties have been great so far and I am certain that I will kick 40 in the junk. Having been such a young mom has always made me long to finally LOOK like a mother and be the age the other mothers were when I took my kids to the playground or went to parent teacher conferences. Thirty nine? Piece of cake, baby.
I’m very worried about your idea of a good snack. Very. worried.
Wishing you a beautiful birthday.
Well, if it’s any boon to your desire to travel, I can tell you that Spain and Italy are just amazing. And you could do a lot worse than to summer in Savannah, which is really beautiful… and probably more fun than a marathon.
You are just ALL KINDS of awesome.
I love it. No puking in my mouth involved. Just love it. We could be sisters, if , you know, we had the same parents… but seriously, there’s a lot here I identify with. And so you know, it’s not “40″, it’s “2nd annual 39th”. Enjoy it, it’s been great to me. Also the youngest mother for many years, it’s fun now to be the same age as child #7′s peers’ mothers. It’s also fun to be the youngest at HS graduation. (insert evil grin here).
We don’t have a house either, we’re renting but luckily we have a cool landlord who doesn’t want to move back in, and is happy to have good tenants. But I want my own house so bad I can taste it, financial upheaval just keeps getting in the way.
I totally loved reading your list and learning more about you. I’ve also never been on a real vacation, don’t go to church anymore because I believe in God, not religion. And those are some slammin’ shoes.
oddly, i have that same convo between my brain and my legs. my stomach appears to have intervened as the mediator and now every time i’m bored or hungry, my legs are required to go walk around the block, while my brain must entertain itself with really really cheesy ~air supply~ songs. my only worry is that my ears will revolt.
lord knows my singing does
Has anyone told you lately that you’re awesome? Because you are.
You should come to Kansas City and visit sometime. We have a tapas place that’s perfect for hanging out all afternoon and people watching (also: pitchers of sangria).
Are you sure we’re not related??
This was great. I am disturbed by the volleyball thing, though. I totally got pelted in the face with a volleyball in high school and knocked unconscious (I was feeling ill and should not have been standing on the volleyball court but welcome to gym class). Everyone thought it was hilarious, but really, not so much. BTW, we rent too.
Uh, yeah, I won’t be feeding my baby on a toilet.
Oh, and St. Augustine–I know of several great places for tapas, jazz, wine and people watching! Oldest city in the US, lots of Spanish, Greek, French and English influences. It’s my favorite place to spend a couple of nights when we just don’t have time to ‘vacation,’ since it’s so close. Add St. Augustine to your list of southernly must-see places–and let me know when you visit!
Happy early birthday, Kelly! Aries ROCK. xoxo
#19 is me. I can be so astounding jealous sometimes. I have to remind myself that there is not a finite amount of talent, money, ability in the world so I don’t feel jealous and discouraged when someone else gets the thing I most want.
Drop the people who don’t care about you…I am dealing with that right now.
I love learning new things about you. Always makes me smile.
Great list! It’s a whole other level of you. I also love to people watch. I visited the South for a week and fell in love w/ Savannah – it’s got all those “squares” with tons of trees and grass. Beautiful. And the Kotex site? I’m copying that one off to my sister whose daughter is on the verge of womanhood.
On church and religion – keep looking. The right church is a loving family. And it’s out there.
I know about being a survivor – you have to be practical and a realist. And I am. Good for you.
And happy birthday! Look forward to 40 – it’s great! Forty is when you know who you are and are confident and don’t give a shit about dumbasses. Have a GREAT day!
PS – we native Southerners would be happy to have you – come on down! Don’t mind the heat…..
My therapist keeps telling me that I am a survivor. He needs to read this blog….my dear YOU are a survivor. I just got lucky.
You told me I wouldn’t cry, just puke. Well, I did the former, not the latter.
I just think you’re really awesome, okay?
You know, I have wondered the same thing about opera and have been meaning to go to one since I moved to Chicago where such things have a house.
I can totally hear you saying the word “Vagina” to the boys!!!! bahaaaaaa
I’ve been going to church for about 10 years now. Didn’t start going until I was 30-something, had had a kid, and thought it was maybe something I was ‘supposed’ to do at that point in life. I still go, yes, but seriously, I feel like I’m never going to ‘get it.’ I get God. I get believing in something. I totally do, and I do believe. There are days when I’ve been driven to tears of such power listening to a sermon, and I do know I’ve formed bonds with people I likely never would have crossed paths with as a result of my church, but honestly, I keep wondering if there’s some light bulb moment I’m not in tune with when I see others so easily or powerfully grasp it. Whatever IT is.
Just a little thought from my big noggin as a result of yours.
Opera is awesome. Most of them have last minute tickets available right before it starts. Perfect for one person to go and see if you like opera. But it is so amazing. I would totally go with you!
Happy Birthday tomorrow!
Wait…Fairy Shoefather…how did I miss out on that?
“Having been such a young mom has always made me long to finally LOOK like a mother and be the age the other mothers were when I took my kids to the playground or went to parent teacher conferences.”
Exactly. When I turned 30 I felt like “HA! FINALLY! GROWN UP! SUCK ON THAT OTHER MOMS!”
Now I think you are even MORE awesome than I thought before!
Um, there are a couple of people I’d pay to have you knock over with a volleyball. Anytime you feel a violent streak coming on, do let me know.
Thank you for taking the time to share!
Happy Birthday! And I like what you’ve shared!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I hope your Fairy Shoefather brings you something wonderful!
Happy Birthday! You are still a baby. I am always amazed at how young and wise you simultaneously are.
And the leg/brain conversation? priceless.
And I agree with you on breastfeeding.
I love how sometimes when I write something and hit “publish” I am met with a deluge of comments that are both inspiring and encouraging.
Thanks for the birthday wishes. I’m going to cash them in and get a unicorn with painted toenails and a sparkly mane.
Kelly you are a hoot + 1. I agree with you on all points, well minus the goat milk. Though technically I don’t know if it is ba-ha-ha-ad since I have never tried it.
Rock on with your big-headed, big aRs footed self. I am your California BF, BH sister. Love ya Kelly and I hope your birthday involves that unicorn having a pegasus friend and flying you to a new home. *insert obnoxious sparkly graphics here* gag COUGH barf.
I love hearing about you. You are the the most interesting woman I “know”.
After reading #13, I thought you might like to check out this website:
http://fm.thevillagechurch.net/
Good luck on the book and Happy Birthday!
Shelly
There’s a lot of good stuff here, but I’d just like to say, “screw the Carolinas! Come to New Orleans!” That’s where it’s really at.
Happy birthday, Mocha!
There are about 13 things that I could comment on but mostly the volleyball story kicks ass. I wish I had the balls to do that.
Also? Since I have actually met you I know for a fact that you are going to kick 39 in the ass and sail beautifully into your 40′s. It’s actually pretty nice here.
You’re such a dork. But I love reading about you b/c it helps me to get to know you when I’m not around you. I have a secret… shhhhhhh don’t tell anyone… you gotta come closer… ok you ready??? You’re one of my top 10 Sheros…) Anyhoo, I did a couple of these some time ago on facebook… not as detailed but still… hmmm might just go back and do that…
okay do you know they do a simulcast of some Met Operas at the showplace 12 here in town? and that you have a personal friend who could educate you a bit about opera? And that said friend would be happy to go with you to one of these events?
Awesome…and Happy Birthday!
Happy Belated Birthday! Does your Fairy Shoefather have brothers?
Aw, now I wish that I still lived in Charleston because I’d totally let you come and stay for free. It was an awesome place to live, but my family needed me back here in MO. I still try to visit yearly, although spring and fall are better times of the year to visit down there.
Happy Birthday! Hope it’s the best one yet!
P.S. The more I read the more I want to meet you in real life.
I cracked up over number #15! Goat’s milk, breast milk, etc.
Who in God’s name would run a marathon!!?? I’m into staying in shape, but I absolutely hate running, unless I’m playing sports, which I love.
Good for you for smacking the crap out of your coach. Love it!
When I was growing up I had my share of shitty coaches. They don’t realize how much they can impact your life. I’m on the watch now with my own kids.
You write wonderfully. I look forward to coming past, and catching up with you… I love the anecdote about your volleyball coach.
p.s. I started running a couple of years ago because it was free. I may start again for the same reason
I love this! Agree with so many of these and continue to love your way with words. Couldn’t help but observe you tackled jealousy right after Elizabeth Gilbert (did you notice that?), who writes well but you could write her ass under the table, yet somehow SHE got the great concept, book deal, Oprah love and ensuing fortune. I’m jealous of her for that — most days I see someone succeed with a book or blog or some kind of “shit my Dad says” idea, smacking my head with the “coulda had a V8″ gesture and saying “Why the fuck didn’t I think of and do that? Aaarrrggh.” (Seems like I overdid the quotation marks, did I?)
Still looking forward to meeting you soon – happy belated birthday, and let me know if you ever want to go to the Nashville TN area – lived there almost 20 years and always up for a trip back.
D
That was great! I’m crossing my fingers and sending some prayers on the book deal. Not sure what you’re writing about, but I’m sure that I want to read it! And I literally laughed out loud at #21about the animal sacrifice. My friend asked what was so funny and I asked him if he really wanted to know. He said probably not since you put it like that. : )
Hey, I read the Commitment book.