Sometimes, when things come out of my son’s mouth I am a little surprised. The normal teenage stuff doesn’t shock me. I hear that stuff all day long at work. He’s fifteen and he’s very good at it. He can’t help himself. Most of what he talks about anyway are things like Naruto and why Hungarian goulash is the Devil’s handiwork, but occasionally he throws me for a loop. Morgan caught me watching MTV’s “Teen Mom” series tonight and asked, “Why are you watching the depravity of the downfall of teen moms who refuse to listen to their parents?” At first, I thought, “How on earth did he just utter that fabulous sentence?” and “Dude! He totally used depravity the correct way! How does he know that word!?” and finally my brain said, “Stop saying dude and totally. You sound like a depraved teenager.”
The best part about being young is being able to be random and spontaneous and the joy of being completely irresponsible. I have no idea what that’s all about.
This inspirational quote came from my friend, Becky, when I finished post-grad work.
I’m not fond of watching reality television at all and when I do it’s because Mallory tells me that something is so unbelievably ridiculous that I should watch it because it bears no resemblance at all to real life. I’ve also never been keen on watching movies that are so close to my own experiences because they hurt too much. The last thing I want to do is watch the very things I’m going through or things I’ve struggled through so I keep them at bay.
And here’s the thing about the show Teen Mom: it’s got to be really hard for those girls, but when I see them all glossed up I just don’t want to watch it anymore because none of my teen parenthood was glossed up. It was messy and dirty and we were poor. Of all the Nothing I see those girls have, my Nothing was much worse. I don’t even like to admit this but at times we were even homeless and had to stay with friends. During that time, I had no desire to watch an After School Special on teens who had sex and then considered abortion, adoption, or raising a baby, or Mary Stuart Masterson in Immediate Family, or Molly Ringwald in For Keeps. Years later, I had difficulty even watching Juno. Eventually, I watched them and they were not much better than the reality of actually raising a child by myself.
I know I was stupid back then. I’m not going to gloss over that. But when I watch these girls I wonder if they know we can see them. That we can watch them primp in the mirror while getting ready to go out (and have their mothers babysit while they throw infantile tantrums about how they wanna have fun!) (Does Cyndi Lauper know she’s being quoted so often of late?) and talk about how hard it is to be a mom when they’d much prefer hanging out with friends. They know this right? That we can see them?
It makes me want to list all the things it is: waiting for food stamps to come in the mail, hoping your checks clear when you pay the bills, staying in on weekends, telling your child that she can’t have another doll, cutting your own hair, not attending birthday parties because you’d have to buy presents, being looked down upon, clipping coupons obsessively, siting on the floor because you don’t have a couch, dumpster diving for furniture, using dull steak knives, keeping fans running because the A/C costs too much, and in a really big way just simply doing without.
All the things it’s not: needs that get immediately fulfilled, free babysitters, time to reflect and think about all the choices and decisions that get made, looking into the camera and succinctly describing your feelings, excessive time in the mirror doing your hair (say hello to the ponytail and stick with it because there’s no way you’re getting a free moment to run a brush through that rat’s nest), friends who still come around to visit and forgive you easily because you can no longer go out and have fun, and then, of course, the fadeout music. There definitely is no fadeout music.
Depravity, if you will, just doesn’t have a theme song.
Amen to all of that! All reality shows like this do is glorify teen pregnancy. How many girls out there are watching this show thinking, “If I get pregnant, I could be on TV”?
There is nothing further from reality than a “reality” show.
I watch. It reminds me of how very young and immature I was when I had my son. It makes me feel sad for all those teenymamas who don’t have my mom to guide them and show them the way to mature motherhood.
A couple of things you forgot to mention in the what it is section – finding a grocery store that accepts your WIC coupons.
Sitting for hours at the clinic with your runny nosed feverish baby who won’t stop crying amidst all the other girlmothers with their runny nosed crabby fevered children.
Great post, though I don’t like to talk about being homeless either…I even forget that we were sometimes, because it was just. that. awesome.
Thanks for that gut punch sister!
Feliz Cinco de Mayo!
That photo is now my new desktop background at work. Love it!
I don’t think this show itself glorifies teen pregnancy. For teens with no media literacy skills, anyone on MTV is glorified. I feel like it’s more realistic than any other show on teen parenting than I’ve ever seen, but I wasn’t a teen mom, so what do I know?
Thanks for talking about it. I’ve been wondering what you thought of the show.
So with you on this. Not sure if you remember that I too was a young teen Mom and I cringe whenever I see this program. Life was not filled with lip gloss or new jeans. It was diapers and bottles and like you said struggling to pay bills. I would have never imagined whining to my own Mother that I just wanted to go have fun. I would guess that you didn’t either.
When I chose to keep my child I chose to put them first and to me that meant putting “just wanna have” fun on hold. I may have missed out on the high school football game or the college parties, but I didn’t miss out on my child’s first words or more important being a part of raising them into the adults I wanted them to become.
I love that quote!
I, too, am not a fan of watching reality shows, but I have watched the MTV pregnant teen show because I could NOT believe that such a thing existed. And while watching, I spent the entire time yelling to my daughter [who I did NOT have as a teen, but when I was 28, and thought I was STILL too young to have a kid] about how insane these girls’ priorities were. And, my god, their poor mothers.
I have no idea what will happen with my child. There is only so much a parent can do. But I would hope that she is not exposed to this alternate “reality” of what becoming a mother means.
I’ve watched that show, and aside from the pregnancy/parenting too early issue, my biggest issue is with how badly these girls let their boyfriend treat them! I’ve seen episodes where the boyfriend calls the girl fat and ugly (and she still calls him the next day!) – it is just shocking that young girls think this is how they should be treated! I sit and yell at the TV and say “why would you stay with him”!!
I’ve never been homeless but I’ve been poor and our family took in homeless people despite the poverty. You can always help someone else in need and it’s rarely money that does the trick. Caring, support and guidance is worth it’s weight in coupon gold.
For a good read and a different point of view on life, I always come here. Thank you my friend, you never disappoint.
I don’t know if that would make a reality show, but it would make a heartbreaking book or movie. And blog post, btw. You are so eloquent. I hope the post traumatic shock is not kicking you too hard now. You just blessed someone with your words.
I had to put an end to my kids watching The Secret Life of an American Teenager. I know it’s not a reality show but because it’s on ABC’s Family channel my kids think it is wholesome, and true.
I remember the day like yesterday when you told me you were pregnant those many, many years ago. If I close my eyes and think back I can picture the scene; You, me, and Ruth standing in front of your locker. I can’t even begin to guess what you were going through internally. Hell, I was terrified to find out my wife and I were pregnant, and I was 36 yrs old at the time. I never knew how hard things were for you, and for that I am sorry Mocha Momma. I tried to be a good friend to you, the best that I could be at that age. I tried my best to shield you from the harsh stares and comments in school and was even dragged into the Vice Principals office and asked if it was me that had gotten you pregnant and not the other boy. It was a very tramatic event for me Mocha, because at the time I was in love with you, a little boy’s love, but a powerful feeling none the less. I have not watched a teen pregnancy movie or show because of my own personal experience coming to grips with you being pregnant. I never will. In the end like you said there was no “Gloss” in your pregnancy, and back then it was more of a taboo than it is now. Thanks Mocha