Most of my days are spent thusly: I wake up and grab a cup of coffee, start rooting around the kitchen for breakfast, and then begin the ritual of taking out the carrying tray that I take up to my mother. Mornings are hard for her and I bring her food to her since it’s hard to get up and moving. She usually needs her water bottles refilled because, as a person with congestive heart failure, she tends to retain too much water. With a weakened heart, it’s difficult to get a lot of exercise and without circulation to her heart and body and then the process begins of holding onto too much fluid. It’s a vicious cycle and this disease is a real mystery. The procedure of bringing her food starts again at lunch and then once more at dinner. In between those times I can be found doing things that summer is made for: laundry, tennis, bike rides, reading, and writing. I’m really going to struggle when I have to go back to work, but that’s nothing compared to what she’s going to have to do in order to make her meals when I’m gone.
This morning when I went upstairs I stayed a while to chat while she got situated in her big comfy chair that she eats in and we started talking about the books we are reading. I made a confession to her.
“This book I’m reading, The Help, is annoying me to no end. I’m not even halfway done with it yet and I hate it. HATE it. I’m tempted to write a review of it and I’m not even finished.”
“Don’t do that. Finish the book first. You know better and plus, it might get better. You never know.”
She asked me what it was that I hated about it and I admitted that I’m fearful that Skeeter, one of the three characters narrating the book, will end up being the Great White Savior to the Black maids in the story. I’m so bothered by the fact that the author IS MY AGE and grew up with a Black maid. Her characters have great voices (I’m listening to it on Audible, but I mean that in both ways) and she makes convincing cases for their interactions with one another. One of the white women asks some of The Help, Aibileen, about educational integration: “You wouldn’t want to go to a school full of white people, would you?” As expected, the Black maid agrees with everything she’s asked and by “agree” I mean that she tells them just what they want to hear. No one is asking her the important questions, though. In 1962 Mississippi we are to expect that when blacks start disagreeing with their masters employers they will find themselves jobless.
The other thing bothering me in this book is that I’m not at all convinced that Skeeter’s romance is anything but convenient. Not for the lackadaisical nature of people getting romantically involved when it’s advantageous, but it seems too convenient for the plot and where I think it’s heading. (See what I’m doing here? I’m trying not to give any spoilers for those who haven’t read it yet even though I’m not done reading so it’s like a unspoiled unspoiler.)
So then I started reading the surrounding controversy of this book (the ones that didn’t offer spoilers) and was astounded SIMPLY ASTOUNDED at how many people were defending the complicated loving relationships between Black maids and the White families they served. It was all very we-love-them-and-they-care-for-us-and-then-we’re-expected-to-care-for-them-when-they-get-older-that’s-just-the-way-we-do-things-you-wouldn’t-understand and it made me want to vomit. Attachment and dependence are huge themes of this book so far. So, I should be glad that someone like my grandmother got to raise YOUR family and then you’ll take care of her health bills later on when she gets sick? Excellent plan. Let’s write about it and glorify it.
Honestly, I want to rip out my own eyelashes over this nonsense.
Even before I finish this book (and I will finish this book because I have to do that once I start and I’m also doing it for a book club I’m in) I will state my distaste for the fact that a White author is doing the speaking for her Black help. Kathryn Stockett probably had in mind to force this to meet somewhere in the middle and I’m finding that a hard pill to swallow. It reminded me of a quote that I can’t attribute to anyone at the moment that reads: “You can’t make both ends meet while you’re sitting on one.”
“Colored people and white people are just so…different.” one of the characters, Miss Hilly, naively and foolishly points out. While I would hate to naively and foolishly call Stockett a racist, I will just offer this video from the incredibly pointed and opinionated Jay Smooth (whose videos I keep up with on his website Ill Doctrine) to speak for me.
Mallory came over last weekend to help take care of her grandmother while I was away. Mason was also here in between his work shifts. They made sure the dog was taken care of, too, but they really helped by making sure the routine was kept up to keep their grandma on a schedule. They watched movies and when they stopped to see that “Corrina, Corrina” was on my mother joked, “That’s what I need. A Black maid.” to which Mallory replied, “Umm, Gramma? You’ve already GOT one of those.”
Which reminds me. It’s time to go get dinner made, take it to mom, and finish reading my book. I’ll let you know how it ends.
I couldn’t finish The Help, and I’m generally loath to quit a book I actually purchase in hardcover. (Moment of weakness.) It just didn’t work for me.
I love Jay Smooth, who I call my pretend boyfriend but I mean that in the healthiest way possible.
I’ve shared that particular video with my colleagues for possible use in our first-year seminar courses, because it highlights that responsibility for specific actions and words that is frequently just absent anymore. I just shared it with another friend the other day, matter of fact.
Hearing you.
Hmmm. You bring up points I hadn’t considered while reading it, but in all, I enjoyed The Help, just for the story itself. I do think that you probably won’t like the ending either, because I liked the book and the ending just didn’t get me off.
I don’t think I considered Skeeter to be the great white hope, though I’m sensitive to that theme popping up a lot. I will not ever be watching the Hurt Locker. I just can’t get into that particular theme, though I hear it’s a great movie. *shrug*
I had no earthly idea what was up with the relationship.I am just as annoyed and I liked the book. It was an unnecessary add and did nothing for the story. No impact at all, could have left it out.
I’d love to read your full review and hope you’ll go into further detail with regard to the entire story. And, I wish everyone had my ability to throw a bad book across the room and never touch it again. I have so many unfinished books right next to me on my nightstand!
Haaaated The Help. It just gets worse before it’s over.
Love Jay Smooth.
I think that about sums it up for me.
Thanks for that video – that was fantastic.
I have not read the help, and I don’t intend to. Just thinking about it gives me the willies.
What kind of BS? MOTHER????? Hey Mocha, read something a bit more upbeat. But thanks for the advice. I’ll skip that one. Oh yeah, by the way, I love you and you are doing a hella job with mommy! Thanks -E
Didn’t read the book because the author’s personal history, the premise of the book, and the title all give the hernia-jeebies.
Love Jay Smooth.
Loved the video. Will apply to everyday situations. Again, good insight as usual Mocha – always look foward to reading your articles. Keep up the good work! Ang
Oh, no, I have “The Help” in my pile of “to read” books. And more than one of you don’t like it. Eek. I have “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” on my can’t finish pile. Just not into it.
Don’t rush summer out of here too fast..although you do have to think about it. Hope the transition goes fine for both of you.
Thank you for giving me a compelling reason not to read The Help. My grandmother was nanny-house keeper to many white families. And, no, they did not take care of her in her old age. Or her young age of 50 when she lost the ability to stand without aid. Everything I’ve read about that book has made me not want to read it, except for the fact that it appears on so many “must-read” lists and I’m a literature geek.
I’ve seen this video before, and it is beyond real.
But anyway, I’ve never heard of this book but u have come across many movies and books where “the white folks save the black folks” story line happens. It’s kind of the reason i didn’t see The Blindside and one of my friends decided I was being stupid for that reason. But it is a story that keeps happening and it get old.
But now I’m just babbling.
before i say anything else, i should say: my mom’s given me the book to read but i haven’t read it yet.
her perspective of the book was this: she *was* raised by a black woman, lulu, and she loved her dearly. much of who my mother is today, she owes to her. my mom lived with her when she was a tiny girl and, for a long time, thought that she was her mother – she raised my mom as her own and taught her everything she knows about etiquette and right vs wrong. when mom eventually went back to live with her parents, lulu came with her and over the years would live between their house and her own. she was family. mom says those relationships *did* exist and they could be complicated, but from her and her family’s perspective, it was simple: they loved lulu and lulu loved them. her family wasn’t “the great white hope” – it was a friendship/family thing …and at a time when that wasn’t common. it was from this perspective that she read the book and, while some of it was depressing as it reminded her of the attitudes of the era she grew up in (the 40s), it also evoked memories of her childhood and a woman she loved …AND that maybe a book that provokes this type of conversation isn’t entirely a bad thing. maybe it’s a conversation that needs to be had. repeatedly.
(also, mom needs to learn to use the internets so i don’t have to keep saying “mom says” all the time.)
So I read the book for my book club (The ladies of ER – eating and reading) and we all agreed that this theme has been done to death. I won’t spoil it for you, but for me, the fate of one of the characters just destroyed me. I’m such a momma that I couldn’t read see straight at the end bc I was crying so hard.
For me, race is such a complicated and emotional issue that requires multiple conversations. Not just to convince or educate others but also to get my thoughts and beliefs in line.
Try to finish the book just so it’s over and done with.
Never heard of Jay Smooth but will give him a listen.
Ok, Jay Smooth is my new favorite. After just one shot.
Okay, I haven’t watched the Jay Smooth video yet, but I’ll will. You are the first person I know who hasn’t loved The Help. Of course, I’ve only talked about it with maybe one other white woman, and the extent of our conversation was “what a great story.” I am VERY wary of discussing racial themes with my NJ born-and-raised (and probably coming back in the next life as a cockroach or an immigrant) mother in law. That’s neither here nor there.
I will own up to a laziness in just accepting the story as presented…maybe I should re-read this one (I did read it the first time in about three days–I just couldn’t put it down).
I do wonder what your thoughts are re: The Help vs. Calpurnia in To Kill a Mockingbird. As I read your post, I kept thinking about Calpurnia (I just re-read TKAM a couple of weeks ago). I dont’ have anything concrete or fully-formed to add to that thought–she just popped into my head.
I meant the Blindside. WHY do I keep mixing up those two movies? Argh.
I’m not reading the book and I just heard about it on your blog. My grandmother cleaned houses here whole life for white families. She’s 92 now. I went to visit her in February and the little girl she use to care for was over taking her to run errands, fill prescriptions and making sure that she had everything she needed. They even take care of her medical care and living expenses. The girl said that it’s the least she could do since my grandmother cared better for her than her own mom. She’s caring for my grandmother better than my dad and I are. It’s really sad.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this. I wrote about it briefly in a post a while back (http://preview.tinyurl.com/2cscxag), and I couldn’t get over the fact that a white woman wrote this and filtered it through yet another white woman’s voice (Skeeter) and that everyone seems to be a-okay with this. It’s NOT okay, and I when I finished I was unhappy and baffled. I liked the characters. A lot. I even enjoyed some portions of the plot. But Stockett didn’t do her due diligence (even though Skeeter does), and although she has experience as to what those relationships looked like from a white perspective, she can’t speak for the black servants. So thank you for speaking up about this!
Before I forget to answer, let me jump in really quickly to respond to Meg’s comment.
I don’t think that’s nearly the same thing because Harper Lee wasn’t trying to tell Calpurnia’s story. While she’s a minor character comparatively speaking to Aibileen and Minnie, she does come through as strong. I like it when she takes Scout to her church and we get a view of that, but it’s not such a huge deal that Lee focuses on it too much. Calpurnia has her own story, but we will never know what it is. If church is a focal point, then we really see that through the minister’s eyes who teaches Scout the lesson that her father is a respected man. Not a saint, but a man doing something important and difficult nonetheless.
Plus, Lee never tried to do that very difficult task of convincing her readers that there was OH SO MUCH LOVE between the family and Calpurnia. There was care, but she didn’t try too hard to make me believe that Calpurnia wouldn’t have gone on to college or become a painter or the captain of a ship if she had the opportunity. She did her job, the one afforded to Black women of that time in that part of the country and it’s still a slippery slope.
Thanks for your thoughts. I’ll be putting The Help back into the queue for a critical re-read. I look forward to more discussions.
Hmm, I’m interested to see what you think at the end.
I found the book easy to read just accepting the story when I don’t have a horse in the race. I thought it was enjoyable, but one of the things I did enjoy about it was that it does get me thinking about how real the characters viewpoints are, how realistic the plot line is, etc… I didn’t enjoy it because I just assumed that it spoke the one and only truth, but because it got me thinking about all the different truths there were, some covered in the book and some not. But overall, it is easy for me to see this all as fictional and theoretical, none of the plot points are things that are particular soft spots for me. [well, other than that I really should hire a cleaning service, but can't manage to get past being uncomfortable with "hiring a maid" even if it is a team of two women who would only come in for a few hours once a week.]
I didn’t think of Skeeter as the great white savior, but as just another part of the plot. I think Aibileen and Minny both would have gotten to the same mental place in the end, without Skeeter, just through a different route. I definitely found the mental journeys of the characters much more compelling that their book getting written/published/accepted/not accepted/etc. I was simultaneously grateful and disappointed that there wasn’t more discussion of the larger historical goings-on at the time and how the characters reacted to them.
As for the boyfriend, I think Stuart functioned best as a way to pry open a bit of the relationship between Skeeter and her mother. At first I thought of him as a bit of an easy way to carry a plotline, but ultimately enjoyed what it showed of the relationship between Skeeter and her mother.
Ah, “The Help” is one my to read list! I saw it one your GoodReads profile, and it looked interesting. I am waiting for my hold to be fulfilled at the library, but I read the iTunes/iBooks preview. It was 150 pages; once I got over the tone, I thought the story looked interesting. I guess I’ll come back and read this post fully (I skimmed it as I have a crazy fear of spoilers!) once I read the book. I agree with your mom though, keep reading and then review!
And thanks for the Jay Smooth link – that video was fantastic.