Recently, I had a conversation with a stranger. I mostly recognize him as someone in my community, but I have no intimate details of his life. We chatted it up for a few minutes and then he mentioned having just read “The Help” and how much he enjoyed it. I must have made a face because he asked me why I didn’t like it so I gave him the short version. Trust me, the long version of that just gives me a headache anymore.
I’m not sure how we got to a part in our talk that led to him being comfortable enough to say something horribly offensive, but he sure had no problem getting there. He said, “We’ll never get the past racism until we stop having things like the Black Caucus.” Funny thing is, we hadn’t even been discussing politics, but he pulled that sentence out like he’s had this conversation before and that is what he wanted to get to – why there is separation. His follow-up argument was to ask me if I thought it was fair to have things like Curves workout centers that only allow women.
Okay, so this (white) (male) stranger wanted to talk about race and gender politics with me.
At the time of our discussion, a colleague of mine was present and had to put his hand on my arm to calm me down because I was getting loud and upset. I went from zero to ten in no time flat. When he, the stranger, walked away, my colleague looked at me and said, “Kelly, this racism stuff… It’s hard to talk about.” I responded, “He didn’t want to talk about racism. He just wanted to be right. He wasn’t interested in a conversation. All he wanted to do was say his peace and walk away.”
Of course, it reminded me of the topics of race I bring up on my blog. You and me, though, we’re not sitting in my living room or at a coffee shop. We, you and me, are having a dialogue and, for the most part, I’ve tried to respond and play my own part in that dialogue. But it’s time I wrote another edition of the Race Series, Part III. I know I promised to do it long ago, but work just squeezed right on into my life. For the moment, this little story will have to suffice because it’s the kind of thing that happens so very often.
Photo by Aspheric Lens
If I really thought about it then I guess we were talking about politics. Racism is political. Marginalization is bureaucratic. But it wasn’t a real conversation nor was it engaging or something where I had a “take away” because he brought up women and the Black Caucus as isolated incidents to talk about something as complex as racism.
Still not there, people.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
It feels like the current state of the world encourages people (us) to drop bombs like the stranger did and then walk away instead of encouraging conversation. Too many people want to be right and want to be heard but don’t want to listen.
Sidenote: I posted a comment on FB encouraging parents to LISTEN to their children, not just talk to them or at them. I learned something rather disturbing and scary from my son and the biggest message I took away from our conversation was that listening was the most important gift I could offer him and it was the most important tool required to learn something new.
It’s not one conversation, it’s not one action, or one day. It’s little changes everyday.
Unfortunately, that doesn’t make for good soundbites.
But you do good work on that front. Every day.
I think differently about race because of the conversations here.
I can see the point he was trying to make, and I can see why you were offended by it. I don’t understand his Curves argument, though. To me that is more a point for what he was arguing against. I mean, if there is no purpose for being separated, why not eliminate gendered restrooms? Something tells me he wouldn’t go for that.
At the same time, MLK talked about judging people by the content of their character. It’s a goal we’re working toward, at what point do we start doing it? It sounds like he was a proponent of sooner (i.e. now,) rather than later.
I’m sorry you had to have listened to him.
I am a white chick who read “The Help” after nearly everyone else in my demographic. I was skeptical from reading the cover and realizing that only white authors/famous people thought the book was “the next best thing.” My sister had the same thought, but I have disturbed many white friends by pointing this out. Well-meaning, thinking people get uncomfortable when I ask, “How can this book so awesome regarding race if nobody of color is even reading it?”
I think (as you have said before), there is nothing to do but keep talking about the things we see that aren’t okay. I figure I haven’t spoken up enough if I put my head on the pillow at night without having made somebody at least a little fidgety. Thanks for what you do and say.
I love you for that big heart of yours. I love you for the passion that you have that incites you to get worked up when someone is being a jerk. I just love you.
Kelly – I busted out laughing after reading the line, “He said, “We’ll never get the past racism until we stop having things like the Black Caucus….” Arguments like that never cease to amaze me. I’m surprised he didn’t give you the “why is there no “White Entertainment Television” when you guys have “Black Entertainment Television” argument. Either way, It’s such a lazy (and extremely frustrating) conversation to have.
I am very much looking forward to Part III of the Race Series. Your posts have motivated me to blog about my own views of race. However, the post remains unfinished because it’s about 10 pages long.
Years ago, I used to write more political entries. I stopped because of the comments, or one commenter in particular. There was no discussion. It was all about this one person being right. I love to see that the Internet is growing past this, but really sad to see that face to face some of us can’t. I could say that I’m sorry you had this run-in with this guy, but I think that the discussion and words that are to come inspired by this conversation, is going to be something amazing.