*I tried posting this in the morning. No dice. I’ll post the Fried Mac and Cheese recipe soon.

Tonight there is a Podcast tonight with Glennia from The Silent I and Jason from Daddy In A Strange Land. In fact, there is a new button on my sidebar that you can click to get there. It’s at 9:00 pm EST and we’re discussing Inclusion & Exclusion: Where Are The Bloggers of Color and Why Aren’t We Reading Them? Actually, I thought it was just on “Race & Blogging” but Glennia mentioned this title on Kimchi Mamas and I didn’t want to look stupid like I didn’t know what the topic was.

Callers on the show are welcome (646) 915-8634 but the most exciting thing is that I’ll be doing my best to disguise my otherwise deep, Midwestern voice.

Among other things we’re discussing how ethnicity and cultural identification affect writing, perceptions about the lack of bloggers of color, and that whole PR can of worms I opened. I’d like it to be known, however, that I opened the can. Stefania ripped that top off with her teeth and growled with dripping saliva all over her teeth. I love her for that.

My less-than-stellar response would have been Listen up, bitches!

To be honest, it would have sounded more like this:

Dear Public Relations Folks Who’ve Been Ignoring Me,

You’ve surely seen my Google page rank. Well, by now you have because you’re wondering Who is this loud-mouthed woman anyway? Those of you who have written to me or about me have even admitted that it’s higher than some of the white-middle-class-stay-at-home-mom’s blogs you pitch. But you defend your position. You say that you don’t know what I’d like.

Let me tell you.

I want a mop that doesn’t crap out on me every 2 months.

I desire a shampoo in a hotel room that doesn’t “Add Body” because you really need to pay attention to the fact that we don’t all need body added to our hair.

I wish for a make-up for my face that actually matches my skin tone and doesn’t force me to mix and apply, mix and apply until I find the right shade because those scientists in your lab can’t seem to do it. Also, I’ll take a “flesh colored Band-Aid” that is truly the color of my flesh. Fleshy colored.

I long for socks that hold shape after washing them more than 10 times.

I yearn for a television show where the main characters look as varied as my own but that don’t adhere to every single stereotype therein.

I aspire to hear that I’m “articulate” or “well-spoken” without it sounding condescending or like a nice surprise for the person uttering that back-handed compliment.

I fancy a pair of jeans that accentuate my hips and my ass without making me feel like I’m “special” just “standard”. (And ones that truly FIT without that stupid gap in the back)

I crave quality writing paper and pens to leave love notes for my children.

I hanker after a good piece of gum that doesn’t burn the holy hell out of my tongue because it’s the FRESHEST, ZINGIEST, MOST POWERFUL GUM ON THE PLANET. Honest to God, I just want fresh breath after my morning cuppa, not a hole in the fleshy muscular organ in my mouth.

I hunger for a good blanket to cuddle up with my kids with that is soft and snuggly.

I thirst for a really good wine that doesn’t turn my ears red.

I cry out for a good, soulful song that makes me feel the kind of cozy that comes on a cool Fall day.

I covet a perfume that smells clean and sexy and yummy all at the same time.

I’m dying for you to know that I go to Target stores to shop because they are my Zen and that online shoe shopping helps me remember that I am a woman because I squeal with delight to find a pair that suit me.

Love, La Mocha

That’s all you need to know, people.

Nature thrives on patience; man on impatience. - Paul Boese

My blog ain’t workin’. I’m gonna do something about that, because patience, my friend, is not my bag. - Mocha Momma

Much as I love this place and get warm tingles from the coffee beans, I’m writing elsewhere today. Updates soon. You’ll know when I know.

I have tired of the endless emails of I CAN’T COMMENT, KELLY. FIX THAT.

Fine. I did fix that.

*Edited: Cross posted at BlogHer. If you leave me some comments there I will tell Santa that you were good all this year even though you have a few months left to be naughty.

As I continue to digest the contents of the BlogHer 07 weekend I also continue to get a bit of indigestion gassiness on some issues that just irk me to no end. All that was to say that I don’t plan on playing nice for a moment.

I’ll play nice later.

The State of the Momosphere session is the one that I wanted to attend to simply ask some questions about Who Gets Contacted by marketing professionals (and I have, so please don’t think I’m complaining that I never have) and Why. In fact, when the moderator, Jory, was outlining the session she made the three points that would be discussed and asked if there were any other questions the audience would like addressed before they got started.

Only one hand went up in the air. Mine. I pointedly asked if we could please discuss the lack of racial diversity in the blogrolls and communities we find ourselves in as a general topic but if we could explore issues of moms of color.

Naturally, the conversation was engaging, but we kept getting to a point where the audience wanted to say things that had already been covered so that they could have their say. And they kept on saying it and saying it over and over until I was prodded by a certain someone to just SPEAK MY MIND ALREADY.

Again. The Hand. It went up. As the microphone was being passed to me some gentlemen marketers were commenting on the fact that they pursue mothers who blog about products and that one of them even apologized on behalf of corporate America (Corporate America? You’re not forgiven. You’re ON MY LIST.) and another one said that the best way to contact these mothers is to establish a relationship with them so that they know you care.

Great. A segue.

The Hand.

My question, then, was directed at those two marketing professionals and I asked when they would tap into the mothers of color and bring us into the fold because they are leaving us out of the loop. When will the diversity come into play?

And the question? With The Hand? It died a sad death right there. We got back to the monetization of blogs and I got a little excited when Stefania chimed in that diversity does indeed need to include moms of color because she has concerns about Asians being marginalized as well.

Then, that died, too, as we went directly onto a privacy issue.

And I shook my head. And I pursed my lips. And I was disappointed and let down that the one question that was given to the moderator was ignored.

Certainly, I am grateful to the dozens of people I spoke to after the session was over. There was a full 20 minutes of chatting with people who agreed with my comment and told me to press on and to keep fighting for women of color. I needed something else instead. I needed any of them to take the microphone and say, “Excuse me. Isn’t anyone going to answer Kelly’s question?”

Where were you, Mommybloggers? I needed you.

I have always been mildly amused at people who like to qualify all their statements so that you are sure to think the best of them.

I don’t watch a lot of television. I’m too busy. However, have you seen that one episode of The Office when Dwight gets a concussion or the final Sopranos? How about the new reality tv show fill-in-the-blank? Yes? Yes? You’ve seen it? Wow. Yeah, I just caught those one night when I wasn’t refinishing my kitchen table or putting on the rear differential on the toy car I’m building. But you? You watch a lot of television.

Right. Because you fakes me out by starting your sentence with “I don’t watch a lot of television.” I can tell you’re just dripping with compassion for your fellow man who must sit on his tush all day counting the number of times he inhales. I don’t count exhales, I just multiply by two. It’s the new math.

It’s also very comforting when those same people (is it me or are they all type A and why do I have such an ISSUE with type A people, huh? They’re often nice and kind and I’m sick with it) tell me just how busy they’ve been. They’re BUSY attending to the BUSINESS of their BUSY lives and the reason they didn’t call or email? They are BUSY, people! Haven’t you been listening?

Qualifier: I’m NOT a type A person.

Case in point: I cleaned out my former office in the most ADHD manner. Boxes were opened everywhere and I would start to put things into it and then walk to the garbage can where I needed to throw this old notebook away and LOOK! something that I have from my first year of teaching that I have to have and where is that box that’s labeled Stuff From My First Year Of Teaching That I Shall Keep Because Somehow I Need It? Then, there was the smell of cheese. Do I have cheese in that fridge or is it the Cheese Nips box from my bottom left drawer (I can type with my right hand pretty fast and stuff some Cheese Nips in my mouth with my left hand - a talent that I learned on the job. I’m a PROFESSIONAL. Don’t forget that.) and OH MY GOD how old are these? Are they still crunchy? Yes. Ok they’re good.

See? This is why I can’t get any work done. None. But there are boxes and they’re ready to be moved today or someday in the near future.

Now, I have to tell you how busy I’ve been and I also owe you a book reading list (but how can I compile it when I’m also busy reading them?) and a decent definition of my new job.

I’ll go with New Job For Less Than Six Figures, Alex.

Disclaimer: Stop reading here if you only come to Mocha Momma for the pictures of my fantastic legs or the dialogue with my kids or the passionate defense against racism or the slutty coffee descriptions or the discourse on learning disabilities and the Holy Trinity of ADHD: Lazy, Bored, and Crazy.

I’ve moved from being one kind of coach to another. First, it was literacy to help support a school with the literacy efforts and to look at their instructional practice as a way to improve student achievement. Three years ago, when I started this work, I was mostly excited that I could make this my own since I was the first person at my school to do this work. It was exciting and I seem to have found my niche, though nothing will replace how dear the kids are to me in the classroom and, even counting that last entry, I wouldn’t ever want to be far from them.

Now, however, my new job consists of that and ever so much more. The title is School Improvement Coach (hello Googlers! Welcome! This is everything you wanted to know about School Improvement Coaching and somehow got stuck with so stick around and read on…I can be interesting at times, but I can also lay the smack down. You might be amused.) which means… uhh… it means…. I guess it’s best to say that my repertoire has expanded. Now I’m going to work with a middle school and a high school (WHAT!? Two schools instead of one? That’s C-R-A-Z-Y and for my sake I hope Gwen Stefani or Fergie makes a new song out of that one so we’re not all relegated to singing B-A-N-A-N-A-S or G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S because thanks girls, spelling in my school with those words has improved).

I’m off track again. Why aren’t you doing a better job at keeping me on task here?

Now I have to learn about ALL of the assessments middle and high school students take, how to effectively coach principals on leading their schools, and dang. Doesn’t that seem like ENOUGH at this point? It should, but it’s not. I will have to work with data again and take it to the different teams I work with ready to be taken apart and that’s not so much a challenge for me because I deal in disaggregated data all the time (Attention, Teachers? You should be, too.) and now I’m taking it to a whole new level.

Is this a promotion? Yes. Will I chronicle it for you as I learn just what the heck I’m doing? Absolutely. Will you continue to ask me questions about my work? Probably. I’ll try answering in comments, but you know me and my ADD. Well, it’s not MY ADD, but it’s SOMEone’s who is beginning to rub off on me.

Oh, and to add to my BUSY life, I just got an offer to go to California (all expenses paid, because promotion doesn’t necessarily mean a lot of money) from a company I’ve been consulting with and I can smell it already. I know that scent. That is the smell of opportunity and opened doors and I swear, if they offer me a job traveling the country doing consulting for schools then I will have to start taking Ritalin for this ADD that I don’t have and keeping Cheese Nips in my briefcase.

I’m moving into my office next door to the administration center for our district. It will be crowded with 6 other School Improvement Coaches (SICs. Cute, huh? No, notsoverymuch.) Someone said there would be cheese? Is there cheese?

You know me. I just need a coffeepot.

This is what it’s like here in my house. These are the grown up versions of what I have had in my classroom. For the love of all that is good and holy, teachers, don’t stifle this. These are the experimental artists who bring the innovative into our world. When that kid is tapping his pencil, rapping his desk, and wiggling his foot constantly you can bet he or she will grow up to be this cool.

(I’ve had a heck of a time getting this embedded on my page today, but please go visit that link. It’s 9 and a half minutes and completely worth it.)

Thanks, Deannie, for the link!