Here’s how this works: I pretend to be a real blogger who posts pictures, confesses to having my life in disarray thus making you feel better about whatever shortcomings you may have, and once in a while I do a giveaway. Isn’t that what all the cool kids are doing? (The un-cool kids do annoying crap like take pictures of all their new gadgets and redecorating and I HATE THEM because I am jealous of all that stuff and isn’t that an ugly shade on me?)

It’s just like me to be days late with the de-lurking post. There’s good news in this, though. Wait for it. Since everyone else did it on the 14th and I’m posting this on the 18th it’s a good thing. On the 14th everyone was tired of commenting (“Gawd, another password just to comment and tell her that I like her knitting?”) so now you’re refreshed! You may even have today off! Four whole days to recover from all that de-lurking you did.

You don’t know what to say in a de-lurk? Oh, well you can talk about the weather, how much of an asshole that Pat Robertson is, or how you did some volunteering in your neighborhood (thanks for the APL suggestion, Susan!), or how you woke up this morning and listened to Martin Luther King’s speech because no one, and I mean NO ONE, should ever try to read it for him. Perhaps you could weigh in on the “Duh! I wanna be stoopid about art so please don’t make me think!” conversation going on at Racialicious. Maybe you could just ask a question. “Kelly, how do you get tomato stains out of your clothes?” You may want to ask something more serious like, “Have you accosted anyone in the grocery store lately?” (Yes, but she started it.) or “How’s the book writing coming? Is that why you’ve been absent of late?” (Again, yes. Two chapters down!) or “What’s up with your religious beliefs, huh?” (Oh, I can’t talk about that until I’m four glasses of cabernet into the conversation. It’s against my religion to answer anytime before that.)

Maybe you just want to ask a personal question since I’m so cryptic with my life and dole out tiny bits when I feel it’s safe. Ask away! I’ll answer in the comments. Maybe. Possibly.

I know. This is why you can’t stand me.

Aimee Greeblemonkey designed this because she’s smart, talented, and she has an IQ so big I’m afraid to publish it. She also has a lot of gadgets but somehow I’m not jealous of her because I like her. See? She’s smart AND does stuff like have contests where she gives stuff away and makes donations to Unicef to give relief to Haiti in honor of the celebration of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Nice, right?

If I have to look at Oscar Wilde’s face one more time with his taunting, strong jaw and piercing eyes that say, “Write, damnit! Write!” then I may as well just throw my Kindle against the wall. It’s been collecting dust ever since I finished reading Julie and Julia: 365 Days, 524 Recipes 1 Tiny Apartment Kitchen on it because I thought I’d never read anything else on it. I’m super lazy in ordering books online and when I go to Barnes & Noble I inadvertently end up sitting in the café section reading something until I’m finished with it. It’s my own personal library because I don’t have one. In the fifteen years that I’ve lived in Springfield I have never had a library card except when we lived in what we affectionately called “Ghetto West”. The other houses I’ve lived in required me to live within the city limits, but I keep ending up in Unincorporated Springfield and it’s like a black mark on my track record of reading. My own scarlet letter that tells everyone, “I’m a rebel! I live in unincorporated areas! I don’t own a library card!”

Anyway, Oscar is sitting on the home page of my Kindle just staring at me. “Buy another book already, would you?” he pleads earnestly. “Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? You’d like for me to spend my hard earned dollars on something that I won’t even have time to read!” When John Milton looks at me I just stick out my tongue. Lewis Carroll just makes me giggle. But there’s something about Emily Dickinson. When she looks at me from the Kindle screen I find myself apologizing to her. “I’m sorry. I’m trying to write here and it’s just not flowing yet. The ideas are plentiful, but the writing is jumbled and awkward.”  I can write for myself, but the thought of putting things down on paper because a literary agent told me to or because my publisher says that I need more words is a daunting task. Just sitting behind my blog and bitching about the mundane doings in everyday life? Piece of cake, baby.

All that was to say that I’m trying to write a book here. It’s day 4 of the new year and for the first time ever I’m committing to this in such a passionate way that I’m scaring myself. This is terrifying and incredibly freeing to just put down as many words as I can. How this will change the way I blog I don’t know yet. Will I end up apologizing to you, my readers, the same way I do to Miss Dickinson? Who knows? 

For now, though, I’m searching for things that I didn’t ever let myself search for in the past. I’m trying to locate literary agents and publishers who have put out books like the one I’m trying to write and needing far more eye cream at night these last four days because when the urge to write strikes me I’m just going to grab it by the horns (or balls? is it balls?) and run with it. (Oooohh. No. Not balls then. Ouch.) Even if that means I’m awake at 3 a.m. because a thought has to get down on paper.

If you have any advice, I’m taking it. If you know anybody who could help a poor, starving mum with her child in a baby carriage sitting at a cafe and trying to write on scraps of paper…hold on. That was J.K. Rowling. I’m delusional now.

Hold me?

No. Just cheer me on, please. If ever I needed a cheering section, it’s now. I’m paralyzed with fear and doubt.

There have been a few folks that I know and love who are both practicing their writing and stretching themselves to think while using this template of answering questions about ushering in the new year and shoving that old year to the back of the closet because, dang, 2009! Some people just really did not like you! 

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’ve never done before?

I took a $300 cab ride from Las Vegas to a resort in St. George, Utah because my flight was delayed and I missed the car service. It was bizarre to ride in a cab with a man who spoke broken English (at best) and I didn’t fall asleep the entire ride because it was the desert and I had nightmarish visions of what my death would be described as in the newspaper. 

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Yes, I kept some of them. But, I am now resolved to make less this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?



Yes, my granny. Marguerite Sullivan. She lived a good life and did it well. A true matriarch.

5. What countries did you visit?

I visited the country of Eating Good Food and the Republic of Trying New Wines. It was a delightful trip.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

The ability to stick to a budget. 

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

The Inauguration of the 44th President of the United States. January 20, 2009. It was a new day for the nation and there was new breath in the air.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?


Sticking up for myself when it could have been a career-ending move.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not loving enough. I never do, but I aspire to love more this year.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nope, and I remain ridiculously healthy. Except for migraines which were caused by work stress and for which I was prescribed Imitrex. 

11. What was the best thing you bought?

M.A.C. foundation. Mineralize Satin Finish SPF 15 in shade 35. It makes my face glow and that makes me feel pretty.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Barney Frank. I want to be able to say things the way he says them.  

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?



The way the American people came out to those Town Hall Meetings and found it appropriate to spew hate and ignorance. Also, the entire cast of Jersey Shore. 

14. Where did most of your money go?

The IRS. Mr. Tax Man took a bite out of my butt last year. The rest of it went to maintaining a rental home and my car and food. We eat a lot of really good food in my house and being lactose intolerant has made me have to shop at our local health food store which is super expensive. I’ve taken to making lists and driving to St. Louis for the day to visit Trader Joe’s. It’s worth the gas money to get there. Goat’s milk butter is expensive! So is the Kombucha I drink for it’s probiotic benefits!

15. What did you get really excited about?

The surprise that there were men out there who found me attractive enough (but not too intimidating) to ask out on a date. It’s a whole new world for me. 

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

Since Michael Jackson died I found myself listening to Mason’s iPod more often than before (which, seriously, is the BEST PLAYLIST iPod in our whole house because he has fantastic musical tastes) so Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’ came to be an old favorite that made me shake my booty anew. 

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:


– happier or sadder? Happier, for sure.
– thinner or fatter? Thinner, but just a little. My body is shifting around so things fit well and I like what’s going on. You hear that body? I LIKE WHAT’S GOING ON WITH ALL THIS.


– richer or poorer? Financially poorer. Stupid body. I hope my body didn’t hear that.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?


Easily, this is exercise. I just know if that if I had a treadmill in my front living room that I’d hop on that thing every single day. I KNOW IT. But I can neither afford a treadmill nor can I afford a gym membership right now. Not until the IRS takes its claws out of me. There should be some sort of IRS workout where I pretend to punch my taxes in the junk. 

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?



Cursing and losing my temper with my children. When I get on a bender for either of them I tend to get frustrated with myself. I want to believe myself better than that. I’m not proud of my potty mouth.

20. How did you spend Christmas?


With the children and my mother at my house. I was only slightly upset that the kids only got me one present and that everyone else opened present after present but that’s what being a single mom is all about, right? However, I focused on their happiness and the food so it ended up being fine. And the present was really pretty nice and it was something I asked for so that was sweet.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?

With what? This bag of Cheetos? Yes, I did. We’re going to take our relationship to the next level where I eat them in bed. Oohh la laaaa.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

I ended up loving Glee but then Community popped my cherry and now I’m faithful follower of the church of Abed and Troy. 

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?



I don’t hate anyone. I pity people. There are just two people I ended up pitying this year because of their horrid behavior. 

24. What was the best book you read?

Not Much, Just Chillin’: The Hidden Lives of Middle Schoolers (non-fiction)

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (fiction)

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?


Anuhea, this Hawaiian goddess of great musical and lyrical writing talent. “Right Love, Wrong Time” is my favorite.  

26. What did you want and get?

That Christmas present I was just talking about and it was a Necklush. In cream. Very lushy indeed. 

27. What did you want and not get?

A new car. I’m in the market for another crossover vehicle like the Ford Edge or the Toyota Venza. 

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

God help me, but I really loved the visuals of Avatar. I just hate giving James Cameron more of my hard-earned dollars. I also really liked (500) Days of Summer.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I threw myself a party because I knew exactly what I wanted to eat, drink, etc… and I turned 38. 

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Loose ends that were tied up and a down payment on a house. 

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Long necklaces and lots of bracelets made Kelly not so dull a girl. It was also the year of the bohemian layered look for me punctuated by lots of warm tights and kicky boots. 

32. What kept you sane?

Watching anything on The Food Network. Because it made me get creative in the kitchen and I am calmed by chopping vegetables or cooking comfort food. That’s weird, right? But hey, don’t knock it until you’ve tried the drunken pasta that Rachael Ray makes. 

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Mo Rocca. He’s everywhere right now (Iron Chef, CBS Sunday Morning) and I love that. I want him to be my boyfriend but I would probably drive him crazy so maybe he should just entertain me every so often and then just go home. 

34. What political issue stirred you the most?



Healthcare. We still don’t, as American people, believe that everyone should have it and we will rage on about it until we start to care for one another. One bad illness for my mother and it will financially ruin me. I’m terrified of what could happen and that the medical community doesn’t value her enough not to charge her exorbitant prices just to keep her healthy. 

35. Who did you miss?

I miss Maddie when she’s not here with us, I miss my sisters when I don’t get to see them as much as I’d like, I miss my nephews and nieces when I don’t get to watch them grow, I miss my dad when he’s not able to drive anymore, I miss people I used to work with who made work challenging yet fun, and I miss my friends when I get too busy to spend time with them. 

36. Who was the best new person you met?



There’s a whole slew of new friends that became a part of what we call The Bloody Mary Mafia. Jeannette, Jeff, Patrick and Gina, DeShanee, Alex, Lisa and Rodd, Lynne and Eric. They are all so very cool.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

Let things go. 

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.


I jumped in the river and what did I see?
Black-eyed angels swam with me
A moon full of stars and astral cars
All the things I used to see
All my lovers were there with me
All my past and futures
And we all went to heaven in a little row boat
There was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt

from Radiohead’s Pyramid Song

The best part about writing a blog is that it’s a time capsule for your life. A narcissistic time capsule, yes, but something that marks your growth and change nonetheless. Actually, I still think that Jay has the best tagline for a blog because it sums it up so very well: “Blogging is just masturbating without the mess.”

January

We rang in the new year with the 44th President of the United States. I also began referring to myself as “Obama Black” instead of “mixed” or “mulatto” because I have often argued that I will not be “black” just for the sake of convenience on my part or on the part of anyone else who wants to use me. It was a cold, cold day in Washington but a bright, happy day in my heart.

February

During the Love Month when I was singularly sad that Valentine’s Day would come and go without a special someone with which to share it. Instead, I dedicated it to myself and learned to love things about myself. A short recap: I love that I’m nice. That’s it. NICE. It’s nice to be nice. It’s totally underrated. See that smile? It’s the smile of a NICE PERSON.

March

It may seem silly to some people, but I did something very brave and cut off a ton of my hair. Then, I started doing something so tragically hipster: I bought an iPhone and started taking pictures of my new, short hair.

April

I turned 456 months old. That’s 38 in people years. It was more fun to give that in months just to watch people do the mental math. My friend, Tracy, made me some new pretty earrings for my birthday that I could wear with my new short hair. I love all my pretty, dangly earrings. 

May

As if it’s not fun enough to turn 38, my eldest child Mallory turned 23 and I wrote a post to honor her since she’s known me longer (and better) than just about anybody else in my life. Go ahead. Do your mental math again. I’ll wait. I’m totally used to this.

June

My only living grandparent has always been my Gramma Maggie. She passed away in June. 

July

After returning home from an emotionally-charged BlogHer (for me, not everyone) I was feeling very sad about working in a poverty-stricken school and got really sick of these blowhards who think everything is owed to them. A little smackdown ensued and I still don’t feel bad for calling them out on their bad behavior. 

August

Due to that big mouth of mine in July I got a call from NPR to do not one but two radio interviews with them. As an aside, that led to people here in Springfield contacting me and saying, “OMG, you’re like national. Who are you?”

September

My other daughter, Maddie, came to spend her first birthday with us. I placed her for adoption as an infant in an open adoption (see, Karen, how I say placed and not gave away?) and then she contacted me and is a part of our family in the most unique way. This is our new family picture with all four of my kids which we took the first time Maddie visited. Dare I say, the first time she came home? Yes. I do.

October

This is the month where I put my money where my mouth was. Or, if you will, I put my mouth-that-knows-how-to-ask-for-donations where my purse is. Wait. That didn’t make sense. Basically, I got a purse drive organized for the girls at my school and it still touches me today to know of the amazing kindness of the internet. It’s a beautiful thing to recognize how many friends I have out there who want to make a difference. 

November

Once again, I joined Mrs. Kennedy and her quest to post writing every day of the month for NaBloPoMo. My own favorite thing I did during November was write a bucket list of things I really want in life. I think this holds me accountable as we usher in the New Year and I plan on coming back to it as it fits into the things I get done. 

December

My friend Janie and I reconnected. Apparently, we also eat suckers together. Blow Pops rock.

Have a safe New Year’s Eve and a satisfying 2010. It’s been fun sharing this with you and you make it all worth it. You’re all pretty fantastic and I think you have the best smile. Really. You do. Is that from all the flossing you do, because wow, you really do have some awesome chompers there. I really do love you guys.

There are a few weeks left of 2009 and since my friend Teddy made one of these and I loved it, I made one, too. But it was so pretty that I thought I’d post it here as well because 2009 has been really kind to me. It gave me preferential seating at the best restaurant where I had some Dom Perignon. It allowed me a chance to try new things and do amazing giveaways on my blog. It gave me a hickey that one time but it was already turtleneck season so I was safe and didn’t have to hear whispers of slut behind my back. In all, 2009 deserves some applause.

I made a little collage that compiled a few of my status updates. Lots of my statuses. Stati? No. Statuses.

See? 2009 actually made me smarter.