This week in therapy I had probably the hardest time yet. It’s no fun intentionally being vulnerable and out of control, but there you have it: it’s a necessity. You probably don’t want to hear all about it, but I will share the most touching and profound thing my therapist said to me last night.
I feel like you always have this hard-shell exterior and try to keep it together but you have a thin veneer. At any moment I could reach over with a pin and just graze the surface and you will shatter.
Right after that I read these healing, reparative words at Jen Gray:
“ today i was reminded that for the most part,
we are all trying to do the best we can.
and that encouragement works wonders over
criticism.”
Too true, dear readers. Too true.
Enough of that sappy moment there, but I thought that was such a great insight because I know that no matter how many things I divulge about myself online it is only that which I am willing to share at the moment I decide to sit down and write. This endeavor is merely a reservoir for the leftover thoughts that consume me during the day. I’m craving dark chocolate and pretzels this week. That should explain it.
In the midst of a rather difficult week, I came home from work yesterday to find two things at my door. A gift card from Sandra to Sephora, the makeup company that literally sucks me into the store with a Jedi force and compliments me on my eye color and asks, “Could I try just a little of this color on you? Just for fun?” Normally, I wouldn’t comply but the guy with the blue mascara on his lashes and extra plump lips who seduced me with his knowledge of wrinkle cream did a number on me and I walked out with 30 bucks of eyeshadow. I say that it sucks me in, but we all know who the sucker is here.
The other thing awaiting me on my doorstep was this coffee mug from MeL.
MeL, who wants my full lips and to whom I advise this: When walking into Sephora, honey, they will hold lip liner to your temple and force you to purchase glossing products. It ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.
First, Mrs. RW bestowed upon me an Excellent Blog Award.
Here are my excellent picks based on their consistently well-written words. They sure do write a good sentence.
1. Stay At Aum Mom, MeL - She always writes her name with a capital M and a capital L. She’s a sassy gal and she knows it.
2. EbonyMommy - Always a good read with phenomenal pictures. Check out her boys at Easter and just try not to want to put their heads inside your mouth to taste their goodness. Just try.
3. AngryBlackBitch - You’ll get used to the swearing and pray this woman is on your side during Debate Team Finals.
4. defective yeti - I clicked on his name the first time I saw it because it made me snort. Now I click on his name just to see inside his brain.
5. run jen run - She probably tires of me linking her, but if you had seen her in that Ms. Pac Man outfit or snuggled her curly locks, you’d agree. Make her stop hounding me about TequilaCon ‘08, please. I can’t drink away my daughter’s college graduation weekend, Jenny! I can’t!
Next, Lara awarded me the Blogs of Distinction Award. They make me “laugh, cry, think or sigh”. These are my tender spot reads. Before reading them in my feeder I know that happy thoughts are to come.
1. The Silent K - She makes me want to take her yoga classes and get all downward-facing-dog with her. In a good way.
2. Jen Lemen - While the warm and fuzzy approaches dizzying levels in my head to read her, I remember that she is real and vulnerable and the best kind of artsy-fartsy.
3. Adie Loves Polly - She’s four years old, for crying out loud. Simplicity at the highest point of beauty. Polly is her Polaroid and she takes pictures with quaint captions of her thoughts or words. Jesus, get thee a tissue.
4. Leah Peah - One day I noticed that I read all her posts with my head cocked to the side. That’s what I do when I’m sitting down with a dear friend enjoying their words. It’s my vulnerable, yes I’m hearing you, honey, and I love what you’re saying stance. Apparently.
5. Chookooloonks Photography - Karen sent me a Christmas card last December with a sunflower on it and said that it’s difficult to look at one without smiling. Such wisdom, this one.
