Normally I do so well with my history lessons for the boys, but yesterday on Columbus Day I didn’t. It was so bad that I didn’t even hit up any sales which is a shame because Mason is in dire need of some new sheets. It’s totally his turn for new sheets. I’m a bad momma. In the bad way.

Instead of trying to remember just WHO was here prior to Columbus (no dig intended, it’s just kind of a fun thing we do around the dinner table) we decided it was time to watch some of the movies on our List.

The List (capital T, capital L) is comprised of movies we wish our children to see even though they missed it the first time around and were probably too young to watch it until now. Mallory’s been through this List and is properly indoctrinated.

It’s onto the boys now except where Morgan is concerned because he still rolls his eyes and giggles at anything involving sex in a movie. Either that or I hear him try to work it into conversation with his friends and it is SO. WRONG. He just doesn’t have the verbal skills just yet.

For instance, when it comes to bullying, there are a few movies which are primo. Top notch. They must watch them.

My Bodyguard with a very young Matt Dillon, Joan Cusack, Jennifer Beals (you’ll miss her - you have to actually search for her as she’s not credited) and the wonderful Chris Makepeace. Also, if you don’t just L.O.V.E. Ruth Gordon for her sassy ways then I don’t think I want to know you. Yes, I did just take that tone with you. It’s Ruth Gordon, for crying out loud! (Sorry. I think I channeled her just now and that was her tone. Not mine. I apologize.)

Angus is another favorite and it is not at all for that Van Der Beek kid. The movie teaches a lot about bullies and acceptance and our similarities and also has great lessons about relationships, but even I want to kick the Beek’s ass by the end. However, it is tender and sweet and it is on The List. How can you go wrong with George C. Scott, Kathy Bates, and Rita Moreno? You can’t, I tell you. You can’t.

Three O’ Clock High. I have to stop talking about this movie. Seriously. But I do love it so very much. Why don’t I own it then?

There are so many others, but we did get them to watch (AND LOVE! That’s the important part! They must love the movies we have put on The List) The Hunt For Red October this past weekend and Mason may even try to read a Tom Clancy book now.

No. That’s too much to ask for, but I’m hoping that he’ll see that I’ve written that and say, “Mom! I didn’t agree to it!” and I’ll be all “Yes, I know, Mason, but you should try. You should TRY. See all the comments that say you should TRY?” (Comment, people. This is your cue. Don’t fail me now.)

I’m hoping that we continue to add to The List which also has movies like Stand By Me on it, but we need some more.

Can I get a little help here? Movies, please? Movies that are classic and should be seen by everyone especially those that are…ummm… classic. Seriously, I have no other criteria.

Oh, and just to show how I lamely tied in some kind of holiday learning with the movie thing, I have to mention that the next to last line in the movie uttered by Sean Connery was a quote from Christopher Columbus. It was feeble of me, but it works.

“And the sea will grant each man new hope as sleep brings dreams of home.”

It works. Chew on that while you think about movies for me. Please? Don’t make me remind you that I’m depressed.

RW sent me something he had published a while back so this was awfully timely. Thanks RW! And so was his wife’s comment!

That’s all. Go get your groove on.

You’re welcome.

It’s a well known fact: teachers don’t get paid a lot of money. What money we can make comes in several forms:

1. We can work extra duty, coach a sport or sponsor a club, or even be department chair and attend 8 extra meetings a year and be the Bearer of Bad News for our departments. I do the last one. It pays an extra grand. Woo Hoo.

2. We can choose to not have a planning period and teach straight through the day (and pee only when we have our 20 minute lunch) and make 10% of our salary. I don’t do this. It pays a lot.

3. We can take classes and earn a set amount for each class we are taking to move up on the pay scale the following year. I do this. You know this.

The problem with the last one is that there is a cap. A limit on the number of courses you can get credit for until they just hold onto the other hours for the following year. This year, I’m eligible to move over 3 spots, but I only get to be paid for 2 of them. I’ve taken 24 credit hours this year and won’t get to the next level until I’m done with a master’s degree.

That chaps my ass.

While I’m on the topic of education, I have to admit that one of the universities that I attend recently screwed up. Big time. If someone out there has my information, I certainly hope they read what I wrote above because I’m a teacher. I don’t make that much money. That’s why we educators can sometimes get a break. For this, I love Apple even more.

I think I’ll lick Jayne today and show my appreciation for her.

Now, to feel better I will remind myself that I have some things going for me. While I try to come up with a list I will practice my training in becoming a Jedi knight. Ok, not really. I’m thinking of a place where it’s always enlightening and stimulating, yet, when I leave I always feel like the dumbest person on the planet because I never get any of the questions right. Still, head on over to Big Guy On A Bicycle’s place and play the trivia game he has going every Thursday.

Every Thursday. Which means that I get to forget to remember every Thursday and then on Friday yell, “Oh, crap. I forgot the Trivia game at BGOAB’s!” But, in my head I say it as Bee-Go-Abs.

Another fun thing to do is to Wikipedia something. Yes, I did just use that as a verb, thank you very much. Perhaps it’s also a gerund. I can’t remember right now. So, my friend RW over at Chasing Vincenzo did this meme and it was pretty cool.

And I did my birthday like he said.

And I looked to see what happened on that date in history. (Martin Luther King’s famous speech)

And I noticed that some interesting people were born on my birthday. (Eddie Murphy, Tony Orlando, and Doris Mary Ann von Kappelhoff - what? You do too know her!)

But I was struck dumb to notice that, of all people in the history of the world, Jesus would be the one who died on my birthday.

When I told Mallory this fact she stepped away from me like my face had broken out in exploding hives or I was standing near water holding an electrical appliance. It could be worse bad luck that I actually linked a sentence that had the name Jesus in it.

No. The worst thing could be that someone gets to my site by searching for Jesus Ass Chaps.

I’m pretty sure they’re not going to let me into Heaven now.

Yesterday’s post got ALL messed up with my italics and then everything was italicized and it was weird. However, comments were fantabulous and I loved them all. Everyone got an A but only the de-lurkers (Sam, Chantele, Miezy) got extra credit for coming out of the closet. Not in that R. Kelly kind of way, but still.

I’m constantly impressed with the things people read and how they try to re-read classics (that we couldn’t possibly appreciate in high school) or even Aristotle! Let me recount a few of the great authors posted yesterday:

Rebecca Wells is a nice easy read. Toni Morrison can be entirely heavy, but when I read Song of Solomon in undergrad I needed a day to recover because I was so drawn into that story and it’s power. I would say the same about Isabel Allende. Chick lit is wonderful stuff, though I hate the implication that only women can appreciate it. My humble opinion is that it is named as such to de-emphasize the fact that it is good writing. I’ve been told to read Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides so many times that I’m going to buy it today. Literary journals are an excellent way to get in some reading for uber-geeks like me who spend far too much time on the computer. Mysteries, especially the intelligent ones which Nurse Pam talks about, are the ones which mostly intelligent people read and I’m always in awe of them. Apparently Joe expected me to write a book report and I will get to that when my summer classes end. (By the way, Joe, it really hurt when I feel after that guilt trip. I think I bruised my elbow. Ouch.) Thank GOD Dave wrote his title because I was going to read H.A. and Margret Rey’s book Curious George since I couldn’t remember his title! I have also read Frank Peretti’s book This Present Darkness and really liked his style. Usually, my issue with Christian novels like LaHaye and Jenkins’ Left Behind Series is that it is such bad writing. But, I did read the first 3 until I was bored with the story line.
Yesterday was the first time I got more than one comment in the Cuppa the Day entry as well and I can only suggest that ass-flavored coffee brings out the best in people. Jen reminded me of that expensive coffee that is pooped out of a marsupial’s butt. I would love for Dave to draw a picture of that. I envision all kinds of new taglines such as “Ass Coffee Never Tasted So Good” and “Some Ass With Your Coffee, Sir?”

Ironically enough, I utter that last phrase to Ken each morning.

Not really.

Another wonky thing right now is my schedule for school as my classes are Monday through Thursday and I never seem to have time to order my reading for class. Today, Wednesday, I’ll have Psychology of Reading (pardon me while I yawn loudly for comedic effect here and then take a quick nap just thinking about that reading) but when I’m done, I’ll have to read the stuff for my Law and Ethics classes and it’s not flowing well. Normally, I like to come home from class and continue the work I’ve done in class while it’s fresh in my brain, but I have to keep switching back and forth between the two.

I like my classmates and professors in the admin program better because we’ve been together as a group since last fall and really know each other well (and no, I do NOT encourage them to read my blog since I may talk about them sometime, but they know I have one) but let me say this about the people in the reading course: dear God don’t let them read this because I think most of them are absolutely annoying. First of all, they’re all elementary teachers and are there EARLY and bring homemade snacks and have all taken classes together before. They set up their tables with their books, snacks, pens, sticky notes (well, that part is ok) and were so fucking type-A personality. It’s not the first time, but I’m definitely the oddball in that class and have determined that I’m sitting next to the one sane person I’ve identified. Not surprisingly, he’s the only male in that class, but I know his wife because she’s a Literacy Coach at one of the other middle schools and we work well together.

When we were discussing the brain and fMRI results (you DON’T want to know) someone made a comment about the show Mythbusters and how they reported on having old tattoos with the ink they used to use and I was just about to raise my hand to say that while I have a tattoo they never said it was dangerous when I needed to have medical tests done until some snide comment from the back rang out:

“Well, not that I would ever have a tattoo…”

I hate those qualifying statements people make that imply that if anyone DOES THIS PARTICULAR THING, then they must be crazy. Immediately, I felt that invisible wall go up and felt out of place. It will be my duty for the remainder of this summer session to not only point out my tattoo but to tell them I’m planning on getting another one on my butt of a marsupial to remind me of the ass coffee.

I’m going to be so popular in that class.

I’d love to do a reverse FAQ but then it wouldn’t really be a FAQ, but just thoughts that I have a lot of times that I want to ask people. So, sharpen your pencils (number 2 please because they are the ONLY ones that work for the Scan-Tron machine), take a water/coffee/scotch break before beginning, and then have a seat. Keep your eyes on your own paper. There is NOTHING interesting on your shoe so don’t stare at it trying to look for answers. Keep your sleeves rolled down, please. Neck-craning is not allowed and neither is “just cracking your neck”. I don’t buy that crap. I’m a seasoned teacher.
Ready for the backwards FAQ?

Ok.

Lately, depending on the type of entry I write, I’ve noticed that lurkers come out to either tell me I’m funny or that crying is ok in yoga. Ok, not that one. But I just wonder sometimes what makes a person decide to tell on themselves and leave a comment and is it like confession where you start with “Bless Me Mocha, For I Have Lurked”?

I’m taking two classes for the admin masters and one for the reading. The texts are, admittedly, academic in nature and don’t stimulate like a good fiction book. So I’m wondering what are you reading this summer? What would you recommend? Do you have a favorite author? People have asked about the Chicago Bloggers Book Choices and I have not gotten around to it yet, but read what Gary said about his book here. Ariana mentioned that I would like Augusten Burroughs and she was right. I have only read the first free chapter that I downloaded here but I can tell already that I will love him in an entirely inappropriate-but-trying-to-be-platonic manner. Davecago folks, please post your reads, ok? Everyone is dying to know. Dying, I tell you.

After I’m done puking out an entry I always feel the need to use a category which is not a huge stress point in my life, but sometimes I wonder do you really care what the category is?

As soon as I care to take the time to figure it out I will post more pictures here instead of flickr but the last time I did that it moved stuff around and it looked all wonky and I hated it. Do you prefer to see pictures embedded in an entry and then just forget about clicking on flickr or does it matter?

Summer blockbuster movies just aren’t what they used to be and that, quite frankly, pisses me off because I do so love my butter with some popcorn and will admit that I’ve gone to the movie theatre BECAUSE OF THE POPCORN AND HOT TAMALE CANDIES. So, in the spirit of supporting the local video store proprietors since Summer 2006 movies SUCK, I am curious what movies are rentable and that you like to watch and re-watch? For instance, I can’t get enough of Eddie Izzard’s Dress To Kill (which Mason and I say in our uber-hip lingo of “D2K”) right now and would recommend it to anybody. I don’t care if you have issues with transvestites or not. Everyone needs some Eddie. Even little old church ladies who would gasp to see him in person need some Eddie.

When I don’t get a chance to answer everyone in the comments I have SUCH GUILT and worry that people will be disappointed. Look at me. I’m such a people-pleaser sometimes. It does not fit with the hard-ass bitch I purport to be. Is it wrong that I’m getting to the point where I can’t answer everyone? I think that I just need to pick and choose from now on and that’s such a great thing with all the loverly comments you people leave!