Dear Alex
Belinda has requested some help. I am here to the rescue.
The only thing I won’t do is dispute my Vixen Status. Of that, I am proud and hope to have t-shirts made up and everything.
The painting job that she needs finished is really wearing on her. She’s tearing her hair out and because it is so full and luscious I fear that she will have a bald spot soon. (It’s full and luscious, right? I can only make a guess.) I’m not certain what I would like in return. Yes, we are planning to vacation together with the families, but that won’t happen until several months from now. How about you help answer some burning questions I’ve had in the last few days?
1. Why did my hotel give me a handicapped room? I like the shelf that’s low and near the toilet, but I’m quite the amazon-woman and have to lean down to brush my teeth in the very low sink and that’s annoying. Also, it’s a got a King-sized bed that’s low to the floor Japanese-style. Do you think there is an inappropriate joke in there somewhere?
2. When did TBS start showing all the risque stuff in their re-showing of movies like Unfaithful? And why does Diane Lane still look so amazing? That’s just not fair.
3. Do real life people have sit down dinners with a glass of wine? What if I just like chocolate milk with my spaghetti, huh? (I don’t think I’ll ever be accused of being a grown up.)
4. Toll booth operators. Are they even necessary any longer?
5. Is Bryce Dallas Howard going to get her due? When will that happen?
6. Do laptops with fingerprint scanners scare you? (Would you be really naughty and use your middle finger so that your computer identified you? Ooohhhh, I think you WOULD.)
7. Will you be my practice Arkansian? Arkansasian? Arkian? (What the hell is that word?) (For the record, I’m an Illinoisian and that’s pronounced “ill-uh-noy-in” but I’ll let you hear my midwestern accents the next time I call to chat with Belinda) person from Arkansas, especially one who owns a potato gun?
8. When was the last time you had a satistying nougaty candy bar?
9. Cardinals or Cubs? Which should I profess undying loyalty to (and this is difficult as I living in Ill-uh-noy but very close to the Miz-er-ree border)? The choices! THE CHOICES! The jury’s still out on that one for me, so I will go with whatever you say.
10. Does this blog make my butt look fat?
If that painting doesn’t happen, I’ll be forced to drive down there and do it myself and I’m not a fan of painting (sore arms. they suck.) unless it’s something artistic. So, can I get some photographic evidence of its completion?
The Internet is waiting. No pressure.


